Reminder
Just a reminder that mammogramming is more important than instagramming your boobs. Awareness month c:
Dirty Jokes
Welcome to our dirty jokes collection, more than 400 of the filthiest and funniest adult jokes we could round up in one place. Expect NSFW one-liners, X-rated puns and cheeky gags made for grown-ups with a dark sense of humor. For the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 200 dirty jokes for adults. New dirty jokes get added all the time, so bookmark the page and check back. Strictly 18+ and definitely not one for the family dinner table.
yesterday
I was telling a girl in the bar about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born on just by feeling their… Read More »yesterday
siren
A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.
She is wearing a fireman’s hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says “Hey little girl.Read More »siren
excuses
Having some alcohol- every woman’s excuse for wanting to get laid. Having a penis- every man’s excuse for wanting to get laid.
long time
Took the wife out for dinner last night & I was just about to order the steak when she said, “Why don’t you try something… Read More »long time
actually
I love the internet becuase its the one place where people from all different cultures can socialize and share ideas and…….wait, which folder did my… Read More »actually
Busy hands
My son came home from school the other day with a massive bIack eye… I said, “Where the fùck did you get that from?” “Billy… Read More »Busy hands
the first
Kid: God made the first man and woman right? Pastor: Indeed Kid: And they were naked in this garden, right? Pastor: Well, yes Kid: And… Read More »the first
cheating
While my girlfriend was showering I took a sneaky look at her Internet browsing history. I was shocked to see her last search was, ‘how… Read More »cheating
I’ve noticed there is a shocking amount of sex on TV lately.
I’ve noticed there is a shocking amount of sex on TV lately. Especially when the wife goes out.
multiplayer
Sex is like video games, single player is good But wait until you discover multiplayer.
No sex
I came home from work last night and told my wife that I’ve been given a huge promotion at work which means I get my… Read More »No sex
to finish
Wife says to husband, “You make love like you decorate.” Husband replies, “What very slow and professional?” “NO,”she replies, “I have to finish the job… Read More »to finish
When my girl tells me her friend’s a slut….
When my girl tells me her friend’s a slut…. I take it as a hint
mirror
im at the age where food has taken over the role of sex in my life….as a matter of fact i put a mirror above… Read More »mirror
change name
I’ve changed my name to Getov, so it sounds like girls are shouting my name during sex.
let me..
“Please, just let me finish.” I said to my wife during an argument last night. “No I will NOT let you finish!” she yelled, pulling… Read More »let me..
JOKES
Having sex for money is illegal but most girls know clever tricks to get around it such as marriage.
One day a young boy is going into the kitchen to get some cookies.
One day a young boy is going into the kitchen to get some cookies. In the kitchen he runs into his grandpa who is drinking some whiskey. He asks “What’s that grandpa, can I have some?”
In response grandpa asks “I don’t know, can you touch your dick to your asshole?”
Taken aback the boy says “no” “Well when you can touch your dick to your asshole, come back here and I’ll share my whiskey with you.” Slightly offended Read More »One day a young boy is going into the kitchen to get some cookies.
anywhere
A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says: “Hi there, good lookin’. How’s… Read More »anywhere
moment
Me: “This is a heart touching moment” Her: “No, you have your hands on my boobs”
A little boy was lost in a large mall.
A little boy was lost in a large mall. He approached a policeman and said, “I’ve lost my dad!” The cop asked, “What’s he like?”… Read More »A little boy was lost in a large mall.
alarm clock
I don’t really like the term “Morning Wood.” I prefer to call it “Jodi’s Alarm Cock.”
instead
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex, instead of police officers.
long cuddle
I like a good long cuddle with my girlfriend after sex. It’s the quickest way to deflate her.
happy end
I watched a directors cut of a porn film last night. At the end of the film, he actually fixed the washing machine.
Life is like a dick…Sometimes it gets hard for no reason.
Life is like a dick…Sometimes it gets hard for no reason.
latex factory
Latex Factory!
A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud ‘hiss-pop’ noise..Read More »latex factory
honest
According to my penis, there’s a 99% chance I like you.
holding
Got a porno the other day, I put it in the DVD player but it was just a dark blurry picture of some guy holding… Read More »holding