Do it
The old saying is that if you want something done right, do it yourself. This shouldn’t apply to sex.
Dirty Jokes
Welcome to our dirty jokes collection, more than 400 of the filthiest and funniest adult jokes we could round up in one place. Expect NSFW one-liners, X-rated puns and cheeky gags made for grown-ups with a dark sense of humor. For the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 200 dirty jokes for adults. New dirty jokes get added all the time, so bookmark the page and check back. Strictly 18+ and definitely not one for the family dinner table.
Could you tell
Have you heard about a computer virus which fills your internet history with hundreds of pornographic websites, then plants a folder somewhere on your hard… Read More »Could you tell
Unrealistic
Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
what is wrong with me
I just read that the average person has sex at least three times a week. They must have a really well paid job. I can… Read More »what is wrong with me
Conditions
The pope is very ill, and nobody can cure him. The cardinals call in an old physician recommended to them. After an hour long examination,… Read More »Conditions
My girlfriend has no interest in my personality, has no desire…
My girlfriend has no interest in my personality, has no desire to ever get to know the ‘real’ me and her only goal in life… Read More »My girlfriend has no interest in my personality, has no desire…
Miss him
Two newlywed go on their honeymoon. As things start to get hot and heavy, The woman says, “Please be careful with me I’m a virgin.” The puzzled man replies, “But you’ve been married 3 times before.” “Read More »Miss him
Correct
A woman has sued a hospital, stating that, after recent treatment, her husband had lost interest in sex. The doctors replied: ‘All we did was… Read More »Correct
Not gently
I went to see a nurse about my concerns my penis is too small. “There’s absolutely nothing there to worry about” She said Fucking bitch,… Read More »Not gently
“Don’t open that wardrobe!” shouted my wife as I was just about…
“Don’t open that wardrobe!” shouted my wife as I was just about to, “Your Christmas present is in there!” “Too late,” I said, pulling open… Read More »“Don’t open that wardrobe!” shouted my wife as I was just about…
The best sex is “What if we get caught?” sex.
The best sex is “What if we get caught?” sex.
No replace
When asked if online comics would replace actual comic books, Stan Lee said, “Comic books are like boobs. They look great on a computer, but… Read More »No replace
In a row
My mom caught me masturbating when I was 14. My dad caught me smoking when I was 16 and he made me smoke 20 in… Read More »In a row
Just to hold
My wife came in starving today so I made her a great big sandwich. “Don’t eat it just yet, just hold the plate” I said. Five… Read More »Just to hold
Recognition
One sunny day, a priest and a rabbi are walking in the park. They pass a lake, and the priest says “It’s nice and sunny,… Read More »Recognition
Wrong number
“I love you,” I slurred as I phoned my wife from the pub.
“I love you too,” came the reply.Read More »Wrong number
Manippleation
i pretend to be a plastic surgeon to talk girls into showing me their breast. some call it fraud I call it maNIPPLEation
Difference
Before marriage you realize the importance of sex. …. After marriage you realize the importance of masturbation
Not alone
FAVORITE SEX POSITION: Really doesn’t matter as long as I’m not by myself!!!
Who decided
If her bra and panties match when you take off her clothes, it wasn’t you who decided to have sex.
From her
My wife wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache… I must have caught it from her last night when we didn’t have… Read More »From her
Change
I have a confession to make, years ago I had a sex change, I went from having a lot of sex to having none… it… Read More »Change
Average
A recent test showed that the average man burns off 125 calories after having sex for an hour… If he was having sex for an… Read More »Average
English
“Mother! Don’t be so vulgar! I wasn’t “masturbatìng”. I was tentatively massaging the limb perpendicular to my torso while two appealing Homo sapiens of the… Read More »English
Wrong button
In a recent online survey, 90% of men admitted to masturbating regularly. The other 10% hit the wrong button with their left hand.
Selfie
The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
Lesbians can also take Viagra.
Lesbians can also take Viagra. They don’t have to swallow it, they can just let it melt on their tongues.
Have fun
Having sex without taking your clothes off is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.
Morse code
If I ever get a chance to appear on daytime TV, I’m going to say: Cunt, cunt, fuuuuck, shit!! Cock, fuck, cuuuunt!! Shiiitt, fuck, shiiitt,… Read More »Morse code
Delicious
She was amazing, so firm, so beautiful. Her legs were long and perfectly formed, her breasts were so full and juicy. I laid her down,… Read More »Delicious