wrong
Hello sir, we’re from your internet provider. You’ve recently said that “homosexuality is wrong,” so we’ve blocked you from seeing lesbian porn.
Dirty Jokes
Welcome to our dirty jokes collection, more than 400 of the filthiest and funniest adult jokes we could round up in one place. Expect NSFW one-liners, X-rated puns and cheeky gags made for grown-ups with a dark sense of humor. For the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 200 dirty jokes for adults. New dirty jokes get added all the time, so bookmark the page and check back. Strictly 18+ and definitely not one for the family dinner table.
fault
it’s my girlfriend’s fault I slept with all her friends…. she’s the one that told them I have a huge cock!!
without
Valentine’s Day is just a massive hassle bruh. I need to: 1. Remember to text my girlfriend a long lovey dovey message at the beginning… Read More »without
My wife asked what I wanted for Valentine’s Day.
My wife asked what I wanted for Valentine’s Day. I said I wanted a blowjob. She’s all, “no silly, something I can buy you.” So… Read More »My wife asked what I wanted for Valentine’s Day.
before
No one’s an atheist 30 seconds before an orgasm.
unrealistic
Porn is so unrealistic. I’ve been watching for 20 minutes now and no one has checked their phone.
sent from
A guy from Apple promised me a pre-release of a new product if I sucked his cock this morning. As if I would compromise my… Read More »sent from
for mama
Maria had just gotten married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house,… Read More »for mama
reward
If I find out who sent my wife a large bouquet of flowers today, I’m going to beat their ass. ….The stupid bitch thought it… Read More »reward
money for sex
Wife: Do you wanna have sex? Me: Yeah, I thought you’d never ask Wife: Ok here’s £40 and there’s a brothel around the corner.
time to stop
I keep getting bombarded with emails about penis enlargement. I wish my wife would stop it.
Ive never caught my penis in my zipper…
Ive never caught my penis in my zipper… See a small penis is too good for something.
to them
Her: excuse me I’m up here. Me: excuse me i was talking to your boobs.
it’s time
I started arguing with my gf a lot, we rarely have sex anymore and we can’t stand each other either… I think we’re ready to… Read More »it’s time
copying and pasting
You know you’re online sex relationship isn’t working out when you discover she’s been copying and pasting her orgasms.
complete dick
At the end of the year the IRS sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue.
While checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said “I notice you buy a lot of candles, what do you do with the drippings?”Read More »complete dick
different
My wife said, “Honey, let’s do something different tonight.” “What did you have in mind?” I asked. “I want you to imagine I’m a slutty… Read More »different
unrealistic
I was watching porn with my wife and she complained “This is so unrealistic.” I replied, “Just because you’re unwilling to try new things, doesn’t… Read More »unrealistic
don’t judge
Never judge a man until you’ve had sex with his wife.
A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of…
A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.Read More »A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of…
same reaction
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
anniversary
Last night my wife found me in the pub, threw a pint over my head, and called me a ‘fucking cock’. Every year she has… Read More »anniversary
under pressure
I hate that they put “use by” dates on condoms… like I’m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
awkward
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.
got married
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together..
feelings
Men have feelings too. For example, right now I feel hungry. So go make me a sandwich before I feel angry! I’ll need my energy… Read More »feelings
They want too
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church… everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want… Read More »They want too
my eyes are here
I know how women feel, I’ve had pair of breast tattooed on my forehead and now it’s like… Hellooo, my eyes are down here!
excuse
heres an excuse for bald men: its not a bald spot it’s a solar panel for a sex machine
A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young…
A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” the doctor observed. To the 1st mother,… Read More »A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young…