excuse
heres an excuse for bald men: its not a bald spot it’s a solar panel for a sex machine
Dirty Jokes
Welcome to our dirty jokes collection, more than 400 of the filthiest and funniest adult jokes we could round up in one place. Expect NSFW one-liners, X-rated puns and cheeky gags made for grown-ups with a dark sense of humor. For the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 200 dirty jokes for adults. New dirty jokes get added all the time, so bookmark the page and check back. Strictly 18+ and definitely not one for the family dinner table.
A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young…
A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” the doctor observed. To the 1st mother,… Read More »A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young…
style
my dance style ranges from white dad at a barbecue to stripper whose rent is due tomorrow.
die hard
I hope when Bruce Willis dies it’s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read “Bruce Willis Died Hard”
Guy: Please don’t tell my girlfriend that we had sex.
Guy: Please don’t tell my girlfriend that we had sex. Girl: I won’t, my lips are sealed. Guy: LIAR!
I had the awkward moment the other day, where my dad decided to…
I had the awkward moment the other day, where my dad decided to come up to me, and said “Son, we need to talk.” Now when he said this, I thought, oh great, here comes the sex talk.
Read More »I had the awkward moment the other day, where my dad decided to…
survey
In a new survey, 60% of women admitted to using sex as a way of controlling their relationships. The other 40% were blatant liars…
fired
One day a man returns home to his wife telling her that he was fired from his job at a deli mart. His wife asked why and he said, “after all the years I have worked there, I have always wanted to stick my penis into the meat grinder, and today was the day I completely lost my patience and finaly stuck it in there.
Read More »fired
Great
You know the sex was great when your room looks like a scene from ghostbusters. Stuff thrown everywhere, and covered in slime.
viagra
Lesbians can also take Viagra. They don’t have to swallow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.
like dog
WHAT IS IT BOY!!?? DID YOU SEE SOMETHING??? -Me talking to my penis when I get a random boner.
compare
Whenever somebody says that something is “better than sex”, I always think “better than sex with you maybe”.
present
Wife:”Don’t open that wardrobe! your birthday present is in there!” Me:*opening the door*”Too late…this is the stupidest present ever!” Me: “Why the fuck would I… Read More »present
My new pool boy obviously hasn’t watched enough porn to know the…
My new pool boy obviously hasn’t watched enough porn to know the real reason I hired him.
confused
Ladies..Men think with their penis… So if you see one scratching their crotch, it means they’re confused.
I just made a sex tape. but I guess Home Alone is already taken.
I just made a sex tape. but I guess Home Alone is already taken.
procedure
Yesterday I went through a costly and painful procedure that required me to have my spine and both testicles removed. Still, I got some fantastic… Read More »procedure
once or twice
My young Secretary was telling me a story today, that she had great sex last night with her boyfriend. But when they were finished, she looked in the box of condoms, but there were only six left out of twelve, so she asked her boyfriend what happened to the other five condoms?
He told her he’d masturbated with them.
Read More »once or twice
honestly
I was in a coffee shop a couple of weeks ago and I overheard this woman say, “Guys who drive expensive cars have small penises.”… Read More »honestly
not capable
Group sex… For those not capable of getting the job done themselves!!
dates
WHITE WOMEN First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.
IRISH WOMEN First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Read More »dates
Michelle
Got up extra early to shave my legs because I’m gonna order pizza now. I watch a lot of porn.
Very soon women will pay men to suck their breasts..
Very soon women will pay men to suck their breasts.. BBC Homepage Top News Story – Doctors recommend that women reduce the risk of breast… Read More »Very soon women will pay men to suck their breasts..
pride
I was sitting in a room with my Aunts, uncles and cousins I looked over at my grandmother who had the biggest smile on her… Read More »pride
Brain: “Ok body, lets go to sleep”.
Brain: “Ok body, lets go to sleep”. Penis: “Hold the fuck up, I gotta get up and stretch for a second”.
ghosts
A professor at Auburn University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. Getting a feel for his students, he asks “How many of you believe… Read More »ghosts
Me and my wife were sat outside a cafe in Barcelona today when…
Me and my wife were sat outside a cafe in Barcelona today when an absolutely stunning blonde with big tits and a perfect body walked… Read More »Me and my wife were sat outside a cafe in Barcelona today when…
carnival
A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on his cock. A lady asks “What are you dressed as?” He… Read More »carnival
winner
Had a fight with an erection this morning. I beat it single handedly.
f job
My wife filed for divorce when she found out I was in porn… what a hypocritical bitch, she was the one that told me to… Read More »f job