Blowjobs are great
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One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
My roommate says our house is haunted
I’ve been living here for 300 years and i havnt noticed shit.
A piano is impossible to tune perfectly, as is any fretted (non trombone) or valve operated instrument. This is due to the mathematics of harmonies.
Pianos are tuned where each half step is the twelve root of two higher than the step below
I think my dick got more humour than me
Everytime i unzip my pants my girl start laughing
Why shouldn’t you joke about the Jonestown Massacre?
The punchline’s too long.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and Christmas ornaments?
The ornaments can be rehung again next year.
This morning I dropped a copy of A Christmas Carol right on my toe
It hurt like the dickens
A leprechaun, a walking tree, and a dragon walk into a bar
I should quit drinking
How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but the lightbulb has to want to change.
Why you can’t fart inside an Apple store
They don’t have Windows.
If you work as a security guard in a Samsung store…
… Does this makes you a “Gardian of the Galaxy”?
Why did the one legged man get a prosthetic leg for Christmas?
It was a stocking stuffer.
I for one…
Love Roman numerals
What does Frosty The Snowman have that Mrs. Frosty doesn’t?
Snowballs(Merry Xmas)
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring…
Because the carbon monoxide detector failed.Merry Christmas Reddit!
What does being a fundamentalist Christian and the game Snake have in common?
You can’t touch yourself.
What do the Pope and a Christmas Tree have in common?
Their balls are just for decoration.
I entered myself in a Most Beautiful Boner contest.
The competition was pretty stiff.
Why did dyslexic Karen go to the Christmas nativity?
To see the manger.
Why does Santa never have to pay for parking his sleigh?
Because it’s always on the house!
Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer has a little known brother.
Randolf the brown nosed reindeer,he can run as fast as Rudolf, he just can’t stop as quick.
My 17 year old brother told me this joke.
Why wasn’t Jesus born in the USA?…God couldn’t find a virgin and 3 wise men.
Out of the 26 letters, only E got presents for Christmas.
The other letters were not-E.
Why is Santa Claus always so jolly?
He knows where all the bad girls live.
People at our Christmas party were impressed when I showed off my incredibly detailed tattoo, but they didn’t believe me when I tell them I got it done in Madrid.
Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision.
Why did the trans man only eat salad?
Because he was a HERbefore.
Optimist: The glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.My mom: USE A FUCKING COASTER
What’s the difference between a gross bus station and a lobster with big boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and one is a busty crustacean.
Reporter to the world’s first trillionaire: “Sir, what are you going to do with all that money?”.
“I can buy a chicken and some bread now!”, says Abou, while walking out of his bank in Zimbabwe