What kind of doctor is Dr. pepper?
It’s a fizzician!I’ll see myself out
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
I designed a car, it is good, but it can not go backwards.
I guess i am not that good at reverse engineering
It was 10 years ago today that my best buddy Dave came running out of the room shouting “ it’s a boy!” with tears tears streaming down his face….
….We never went back to Thailand since!
Its a boy! its a boy! my friend David ran into my room,tears in his eyes
That was the last time he visited Thailand
What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?
I don’t know, he hasn’t opened it yet.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a grenade?
Grenade actually accomplish something when it triggers.EDIT : NOT FROM USA NOR WHITE
My wife made us late and we missed the previews before new movie Cats…
…I hate when she makes me miss the best part of movies
I want to die like my grandfather, sleeping calmly.
Not like the passengers on his bus, screaming intensely.
If you’re here for the yodeling lesson
please form an orderly orderly orderly queue.
My buddy wrote a comedy routine about menorahs.
It was just a bunch of candle shtick.
I walked into a bookstore and asked an employee “Do you have any books by Shakespeare?”
Employee: Of course sir. Which one?Me: William.
What do you call a sheep tied to a lamppost in Wales?
The local sports centre
What’s the difference between a coyote and a flea?
One howls one the prairie, the other prowls on the hairy
Yesterday a bought a pair if shoes from a drug dealer.
Don’t know what he laced them with ’cause I’ve been tripping all day
My dentist reminded me about my wife’s sensitive gag reflex.
We laughed about it for a while. Then I remembered me and my wife have different dentists.
When I was a kid, I made a really big sandcastle with my grandma
Unfortunatley, I didn’t impress anyone at the cremation…
What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?
Ones a heated yam, and the other’s a yeeted ham.
A cop pulls over a car with two priestS. The cop goes over to the car and says “We’re looking for two child molesters.”
The priests look at each other for a moment and reply, “We’ll do it.”
Some people take Christmas way too serious…
It’s 362 days away and people already have their decorations up!
Reddit should rename ‘share’ to ‘spreddit’, ‘delete’ to ‘shreddit’ and ‘karma’ to ‘creddit’.
Wait, what do you mean someone already seddit?
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and a Whiskey Connoisseur?
Only one thinks it gets better with age.
My neighbor is a 90 year old with alzheimer’s, I see him every morning and he asks me If I’ve seen his wife. Everyday I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question
But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.
If someone can explain to me why my stuff constantly gets stolen..
My door is always open.
Glass Coffins
Will they be popular?Remains to be seen
I’ve been secretly injecting soap into my balls to see if I can jizz bubbles.
It’s time for me to come clean.
I met a guy who was convinced that there were no words in the English language with more syllables than vowels….
I tried to explain to him that he was wrong, but he refused to accept criticism.
I went to the grocery store.
The sign said “No food or drinks inside”So I went home.
I tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbor
… but he said he had naan.
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
That means I have one up on history’s greatest scientific genius.Because I’m not dead.
A politician uses statistics like a drunk uses a street light.
For support, rather than illumination.