‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring…
Because the carbon monoxide detector failed.Merry Christmas Reddit!
Fun jokes
Funny jokes for every mood, all gathered in one place. This is the heart of TheFun.Net, a growing collection of the best jokes we have found and loved, from quick one-liners to longer stories worth the read. New funny jokes land here all the time, so there is always a fresh reason to smile.
What does being a fundamentalist Christian and the game Snake have in common?
You can’t touch yourself.
What do the Pope and a Christmas Tree have in common?
Their balls are just for decoration.
I entered myself in a Most Beautiful Boner contest.
The competition was pretty stiff.
Why did dyslexic Karen go to the Christmas nativity?
To see the manger.
Why does Santa never have to pay for parking his sleigh?
Because it’s always on the house!
Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer has a little known brother.
Randolf the brown nosed reindeer,he can run as fast as Rudolf, he just can’t stop as quick.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.””What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if… Read More »A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
My 17 year old brother told me this joke.
Why wasn’t Jesus born in the USA?…God couldn’t find a virgin and 3 wise men.
Out of the 26 letters, only E got presents for Christmas.
The other letters were not-E.
Why is Santa Claus always so jolly?
He knows where all the bad girls live.
People at our Christmas party were impressed when I showed off my incredibly detailed tattoo, but they didn’t believe me when I tell them I got it done in Madrid.
Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision.
Why did the trans man only eat salad?
Because he was a HERbefore.
Optimist: The glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.My mom: USE A FUCKING COASTER
What’s the difference between a gross bus station and a lobster with big boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and one is a busty crustacean.
Reporter to the world’s first trillionaire: “Sir, what are you going to do with all that money?”.
“I can buy a chicken and some bread now!”, says Abou, while walking out of his bank in Zimbabwe
Which Witcher character knows the answers to all quiz questions?
Geralt of Trivia
I remember as a child, lying in bed waiting for Santa to come…
Then there was always that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He’s a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock…
Who’s there?Cows go.Cows go who?No idiot… Cows go moo!
Last night i used Vaseline with my wife and came 10 times
Once with her and 9 in the shower trying to wash it off
I gave my daughter a watch for Christmas. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, “That’s a pretty watch you’ve got there! Does it tell you the time?”
She laughed and said, “No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!”
Why don’t Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they make the toys.
The year is 1835…
The year is 1835, you’re traversing the Oregon Trail. You and your horse come upon a man, you introduce yourself, and he tells you his… Read More »The year is 1835…
My sister won’t let me hold her baby anymore…
Last time I held my sister’s baby, I dropped it. It wasn’t even a big deal, but she started freaking out. It was an accident!… Read More »My sister won’t let me hold her baby anymore…
A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the husband said: “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!” His wife reminded him: “Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!”
A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the husband said: “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!”His wife reminded… Read More »A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the husband said: “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!” His wife reminded him: “Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!”
You’ve never heard of the 10th Reindeer?
The first eight are Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen.The 9th is Rudolth the red nosed reindeer, and the 10th is the jerk… Read More »You’ve never heard of the 10th Reindeer?
A man wanders back home at 3:00 am.
His wife: You are late.You said you would be home by 11:45 pm.Man:(Casually) I said i would be home by a quarter of 12.
Teacher: “Class, today we are going to Bangladesh.”
Kid named Ladesh: wha…
Im giving up drinking for a year
Whoops, that came out wrongIm giving up, drinking for a year.
Knock knock
Who’s there?Mary.Mary who?Mary Christmas!Knock knock.Who’s there?Anna.Anna who?Anna happy new year!Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Reddit 🙂