I’ve just put a shit load of John Lennon memorabilia on eBay. Imagine all the PayPal.
A hot girlfriend is like a job It’s easier to get one once you already have one…
In response to Sweden and Finland joining NATO, Russia introduces embargoes on Absolut and Finland.
My friend managed to fool me into volunteering in a cat shelter. He said there was a lot of pussies I could play with.
Anal sex keeps my wife in shape. Every time I just mention it and she runs a mile from me
– Who are you? – Sleeping beauty! – Why are you so ugly? – I just woke up!
They told me I have to do sexual harassment training at work Which is ridiculous, I’m already very good at it.
A husband, wracked with guilt finally confesses to his wife……”dear, when I have sex with you, I often think of other women!” “You bastard!” she cried “When I have sex with other men, I only think of you!”
A politician who had been dating a woman decides to investigate her background before proposing. So he hires a private detective to snoop on her. Sometime later, the detective sends his report. “The lady comes from a decent family, has a great job and a flawless character. The only issue is that she has recently […]
After a long night of frenzied, hot and passionate love making, a guy notices a photo of another man on the woman’s bedside table. He starts to worry. “Is that your husband?” he asked nervously. “No silly!” She replied, snuggling up to him “Your boyfriend then?” he continues “No, not at all!” She replied…..nibbling his […]
I was hoping after coronavirus…. … there would be no more monkey business.
If you don’t know the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist… congratulations, you’re doing great!
How does every Mexican joke start? By looking over your shoulder.
There is a cure for nymphomania, but it’s expensive. It can be cheap, but most people want a big ceremony, open bar at the reception, etc.
When I was a kid, I was told that bad people would come up to me on the street and offer me drugs, booze, and sex. So where the fuck are these people?
They say that the average man ejaculates at 20mph. I’m clearly not average then… My new girlfriend has been with a lot of guys and according to her, I definitely cum much quicker than all of them!
As my daughter was walking out the door to go on her first date, in my best grumpy old tough guy dad voice, I growled, “I want her home before midnight.” The boy she was going with stopped dead in his tracks, turned slowly around and with wide eyes replied…. “But you already own her […]
My wife and I have an open relationship. Found out last night.
Took grandma to a Chinese restaurant yesterday. She used her chopsticks to knit a sweater out of her noodles.
Me: “When I die, I want to die making love.” Wife: “At least it will be a very quick death.”