Fun jokes

Counting sheep

Why do Welsh people immediately fall asleep when you ask them how many sexual partners they’ve had?

Because it’s well known that counting sheep helps you nod off more quickly.

Quit

Doctor: If you want to lose some weight, quit eating fatty.
Me: Like fatty foods?  chips and dip?
Doctor: NO, quit eating Fatty!!!

dream

I had a dream! I dreamed that in 2021 there’s a new viral gastroenteritis: COSHIT.

We all go around in diapers, and remember the 2020 masks with a pale, romantic sadness!

checkout

A man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore, she kept staring at him…
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, “I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease, it’s just that you look so much like my late son.”
He answered, “That’s okay”.
“I know it’s silly, but if you’d call out “Goodbye Mum” as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy”.
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, “Goodbye, Mother”. The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone’s day, he went to pay for his groceries. “That comes to $121.85”, said the clerk.
“How come so much. I only bought 5 items?”
The clerk replied, “Yeah, but your Mother said you’d pay for

Niagra

The makers of Viagra have announced that they’ve developed a pill to increase the wetness in women…
The pill will be called Niagra.

Tip

Guys, when a woman is mad just tell her to calm down, she’ll realize that she’s overreacting and she’ll thank you.

Follow me for more helpful tips.

Meeting after long time

A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him “You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!”
One day Arthur’s mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!!
The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease! All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform…… Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful……
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!
The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw Arthur, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover !!!!!
Don’t tell me you thought that Arthur became a feckin’ doctor!

No!

Doctor – You have a serious disease..
Me -oh no..?
Doctor-..that you can cure by eating healthier and exercising.
Me-OH NO!!?

Something

I took a girl back home last night. We got kissing on the sofa, before I slipped my hand in her knickers, she asked, “Shall we take this upstairs?” I said, “No, I’d rather we did it here.” “Oh I see.” She winked, “Something in your bedroom you don’t want me to see eh?” I said, “Yeah, my wife.”