Fun jokes

Little difference

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Before Coffee : I hate everybody
After Coffee : I feel good about hating everybody

Scary times

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Those are some scary times to call sick at work. They may put you and everybody else in quarantine

Continually

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Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party, that you do not attend

Much better

Life would be so much better if at the end of each day, it asked….

“Would you like to save the changes?”

No chance

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.

“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

“Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.

“If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”

“He said you’re going to die,” she replied.

Conspiracy

They want us to get vaccinated so they can inject us with microchips and track us anywhere.
-Sent from my iPhone

Friendly advice

A cop drives past my open garage in California, and notices my plants and grow lamps. He stops and shouts, “You better not be growing weed with those lamps!”
“You’re gonna need at least twice the wattage and a lot more room!”

Clown

I quit my job at McDonald’s today…
Boss was a clown

No balls

I went to a bar full of lesbians…even the pool table didn’t have any balls !

Guess the number

I called a restaurant and ask for a table for two.. he said ” wrong number ” so I said ” I’d like a table for four ! ”
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