Fun jokes

Problems solved

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Fall in love with your problems, maybe they’ll leave you too.

Only the…

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Anal Sex: The only time a man tries to convince you his dick really isn’t that big

Pour favor

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My neighbour’s 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown.
He still can’t say “please” though, which I think is poor for four.

Frank Einstein

Would Albert Einstein have been so successful if his father had called him Frank?

Hand made

A baby that came from a sperm bank is basically ‘hand made.’

End of arguing

I was arguing with this really busty woman and she shoved my face in her tits.

I don’t remember why we were arguing..

Early

Let’s make our calendar end 8 years too early just to fuck with people.
~ Mayans

Job advertising

Join our mid-aged and unfriendly team at an awkward-winning company with more than 1200 employees worldwide gone berserk.

If you are:
– Looking for a whole week of stressful boredom;
– Stopped trying to pretend you like working and not just doing this to pay the bills;
– With no idea what’s the point but still not suicidal enough;

Your responsibilities are:

– Come to work;
– Try not to mentally meltdown at a meeting;
– Make yourself feel useful and doing something of any importance by using some made-up terminology and a proper face expression hiding your utter feel of tediousness;
– Wear a corporate badge while going for the 3rd time in the last hour for a smoke;

We offer:
– Some salary;
– Opportunities for a total career screw-up and wasting precious years from your short and pointless life;
– Fitness card because we need you in a constant pain both physically and mentally;
– Healthy breakfast every Friday consisting of your own recycled faeces collected through the entire workweek;

Send us your not at all mediocre CV with pointless things dressed up to sound somehow important and shit. And a random dick pic.

So much

Since quarantine I’ve not had a haircut. Hell, I’ve not even stepped on the scales. So today I decided to weigh myself for the first time in months.
Who knew hair weighed so much?!

Scarry

Yesterday I had a nightmare that my tiktok account was deleted.
For a second, I was really scared that I had a tiktok account.