A horse goes into a bar
“Hey horse, why the long face?””I’m not a horse, I’m Adrien Brody”
Animal Jokes
Animal jokes that are the cat’s pajamas. From dogs and cats to cows, penguins and the odd talking parrot, this collection is clean enough for kids and silly enough for everyone else. Perfect for a quick giggle or a groan-worthy pun to share with fellow animal lovers.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from all the reposts on this sub…
Why are french ducks so attractive?
They have a certain “je ne sais quack’”.
My cat at one of my awards.. and can’t quite poop it out
It’s a real cat-ass-trophy
Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.
My dog pooped in my bed this morning
I forgive her though, shit happens.
What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle?
The polar bear.
A lamb, a calf, and a kid are standing in the pasture.
The lamb says, “My Dad is the best! He can grow a full coat of wool from scratch every day!”. The calf boasts, “That’s nothing!… Read More »A lamb, a calf, and a kid are standing in the pasture.
Why did the bear have anger issues?
He was a bipolar bear
What do you call a magic dog?
A Labracadabrador
What is the difference between most people and horses?
Most people are asses
Who is my good boi? My dog: woof woof…
Who is your ancestor?My dog: wolf wolf…
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other:
“I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”
why dog shope not exists?
imagene, u go in and see dog yuo like, and i get him if pay moneiy, why not is exists yet, IT ARE GOOD.
I heard a rumor that Epstein was hung like a horse
But I’m pretty sure you would need more rope to hang a horse.
How do you start a bear race?
Ready, teddy, go.
What’s the difference between a vegetarian salad, and one with chicken?
The chicken salad has a lot more body
The tallest animals in the zoo don’t even want to be there…
They were giraffeted.
A few from my 8 year old sister…
Why does tigger smell?Because he’s been playing with poohWhich is the hairy side of a monkey?The outside
The donkey in the backyard
A restaurant owner has a sign in the front: “whoever makes the donkey in the backyard laugh, gets a free meal”A man comes in. He… Read More »The donkey in the backyard
Ready? On Three: why does every French cat drown?
Un, Deux, Trois… Cat sank
Three pregnant women are in the waiting room of the doctor’s office
The first woman says, “I’m going to have a girl because I was on the bottom when we did it”The second woman says, “I’m going… Read More »Three pregnant women are in the waiting room of the doctor’s office
The old man and the bear.
One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them… Read More »The old man and the bear.
Elephant Hunting
My grandfather would tell me stories of how they caught elephants with only a few peanuts… They would dig a deep hole and burn a… Read More »Elephant Hunting
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
Chicken Tenders
A man is riding through the desert…
Suddenly, he hears a voice, coming from nowhere.”Get off your horse.””What?”, the man asks.”Get off your horse.”The man, slightly irritated, does as the voice commands.”Dig… Read More »A man is riding through the desert…
[Long] [OC] First time. I accept constructive criticism. *There are two friends who always go in search of the best pigs.*
On one day, the second friends birthday, the first friend wishes to find only the most beautiful pig for his friend. He goes searching long… Read More »[Long] [OC] First time. I accept constructive criticism. *There are two friends who always go in search of the best pigs.*
I heard a story once about an American train driver.
He was operating a late night train and feel asleep at the controls. He ended up failing to recognize a stop sign and as a… Read More »I heard a story once about an American train driver.
A Pig had insomnia and decided to see a Doctor
Pig: Doctor, I’ve been having these terrible nightmares and I can’t sleep. Can you prescribe me some sleeping pills?Doctor: Can you describe your nightmares to… Read More »A Pig had insomnia and decided to see a Doctor
Two Hobos
Two hobos were walking down the tracks. They encounter a mangy old dog sitting in the middle of the tracks, contorted into that weird position… Read More »Two Hobos