What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter, he won’t come to you anyway.
Animal Jokes
Animal jokes that are the cat’s pajamas. From dogs and cats to cows, penguins and the odd talking parrot, this collection is clean enough for kids and silly enough for everyone else. Perfect for a quick giggle or a groan-worthy pun to share with fellow animal lovers.
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking
Why are french ducks so sexy?
They have a certain ‘Je ne sais quack’
Boudreaux and the parrot (LONG)
Boudreaux walked past a pet shop every day on his way to work. He saw this nice looking parrot and decided to ask the shop… Read More »Boudreaux and the parrot (LONG)
What do you get when your cross an elephant with a rhino?
Hell if I know!
Fired
It turns out that a monkey cannot in fact do my job, long story short, he got us both fired.
No one at home…
They made an engaging looking couple in the swank restaurant: The man was handsome, graying and obviously well off; the woman was a joy to any eye – very young, ravishing and delectable.
As they each read their menus, the gentleman asked his date what she would like to eat.
Men shouldn’t feel bad if they only last 8 minutes doing doggy…
Men shouldn’t feel bad if they only last 8 minutes doing doggy style… I mean, that’s almost an hour in dog time.
Story
When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, there was a professor, whose last name was Peters, who felt animosity for Gandhi, and because Gandhi never lowered his head towards him, their “arguments” were very common.Read More »Story
Attack
It’s illegal to shine a laser pointer at a plane because a cat might attack it.
I’ve just seen a massive rat in Pizza Hut.
I’ve just seen a massive rat in Pizza Hut. He was picking up an order for the Ninja Turtles.
Delicious
She was amazing, so firm, so beautiful. Her legs were long and perfectly formed, her breasts were so full and juicy. I laid her down,… Read More »Delicious
siren
A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.
She is wearing a fireman’s hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says “Hey little girl.Read More »siren
to buy mom
A young boy went to a horse auction with his father. He watched his father move from horse to horse, running his hands up and… Read More »to buy mom
reflection
There’s a story they tell of two dogs.Both at different times walk into the same room.one comes out wagging his tail while the other comes… Read More »reflection
freak
No, I don’t want to come to your cat’s birthday party…you freak. My dog’s getting married that weekend.
holding
Little Johnny is out walking with his dad when they see two dogs shagging on the other side of the road. “What are they doing,… Read More »holding
gambling
it was joey’s first day at school and his father warned the teacher that the boy was an avid gambler. he said that joey might win lunch money from the other kids if he wasn’t watched closely.Read More »gambling
same reaction
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
who hasn’t
Mama Bear: “Someone’s been sleeping in my bed!” Papa Bear: “Who hasn’t, you whore?!?”
pathetic joke
I named my cat “Honey”. So when I get home i can shout. “Honey, I’m home!” Then cry for 20 minutes cause my life Is… Read More »pathetic joke
pathetic joke
I named my cat “Honey”. So when I get home i can shout. “Honey, I’m home!” Then cry for 20 minutes cause my life Is… Read More »pathetic joke
like most people
Do you think regular dogs hate police dogs like most people hate policemen?
free wifi
Today I found out the name of my neighbors cat… In other news, I now have free internet.
I was in my Psychology class yesterday and we were learning…
I was in my Psychology class yesterday and we were learning about Pavlov and laughing about how stupid those dogs were. Anyway, then the bell… Read More »I was in my Psychology class yesterday and we were learning…
like dog
WHAT IS IT BOY!!?? DID YOU SEE SOMETHING??? -Me talking to my penis when I get a random boner.
scheme
I went to great effort to kill my wife recently, with a completely untraceable poison obtained from a plant that grows for just two weeks on the eastern side of a Peruvian mountain.Read More »scheme
r.i.p.
As the inventor of the computer mouse has died I can just imagine how his funeral will be. Drag and drop.
one eye
Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said “Look at that dog with one eye!” The other blonde covers one of… Read More »one eye
compromise
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn’t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat.