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Jokes

  • I went to go to the Vagina Museum but accidentally went in the…

    I went to go to the Vagina Museum but accidentally went in the building next door.
    That place was a shit hole!

  • One night I asked my Scottish friend how many sexual partners…

    One night I asked my Scottish friend how many sexual partners he’s had
    He started counting, and after a minute or so, he fell asleep

  • Most common Last words before death: 1. throw me that grenade, i…

    Most common Last words before death:
    1. throw me that grenade, i know how to deal with it.
    2. it‘s 100% safe!
    3.green is always grounding.
    4.turn left, I know it there.
    5.I slept with your sister.
    6.it‘s ok, dogs loves me.
    7.oh, they changed color of my pills.
    8.Somebody forgot his suitcase.
    9.let‘s have one beer
    10.Chuck Norris doesn‘t exis…

  • I saw a homeless guy telling people dirty jokes for a dollar So…

    I saw a homeless guy telling people dirty jokes for a dollar
    So I went up to him and gave him a dollar. He happily pocketed the dollar and said “you see that white cat over there, how many teeth does it have?”
    So I said “ I don’t know….”
    He said “ how many hairs does it have?”
    I again replied saying I didn’t know.
    He then said to me “ You see that black rooster over there, how many legs does it have?”
    So I promptly said 2.
    So the homeless man said “how come you know nothing about white pussy and so much about black cock?”

  • Nothing like a nice cold beer after a nice cold beer.

    Nothing like a nice cold beer after a nice cold beer.

  • A man finds a genie in a bottle He rubs it.

    A man finds a genie in a bottle
    He rubs it. A genie pops out “you have two wishes”
    The guy says “hold up, aren’t I supposed to get three wishes?”
    the genie replies “Check your pants”
    The guy looks down his pants, and slightly surprised, says “how did you know?”
    Genie says “I’ve been doin this a while.”

  • Our company recently did a password audit, it was found that an…

    Our company recently did a password audit, it was found that an employee was using the following password:
    “VaderObiwanLukeBobafettGandalfFrodoGimliLegolasSacramento”

    When asked why he had such a long password, he rolled his eyes and said: Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital.”

  • Last night I was drunk and told myself I needed to stop drinking.

    Last night I was drunk and told myself I needed to stop drinking. I went into the fridge the next day and grabbed a beer
    Cause I’m not going to listen to a fucking drunk talking to themselves.

  • My father is Cuban and my mother is from Iceland.

    My father is Cuban and my mother is from Iceland. So i am……
    …..
    an Ice Cube

  • My wife recently discovered I was cheating after she found all…

    My wife recently discovered I was cheating after she found all those letters I’d been hiding.
    She got really mad and said she’s never going to play Scrabble with me again.