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Jokes

  • Banks need to be better at restocking these ATMs at Christmas.

    Banks need to be better at restocking these ATMs at Christmas.
    This is the 5 th one I have been to that said insufficient funds.

  • It’s Sunday.

    It’s Sunday. So am 100% motivated to do nothing today.

  • What do you call a girl who doesn’t give head?

    What do you call a girl who doesn’t give head?
    An Uber.

  • My wife and I were going on holiday.

    My wife and I were going on holiday. And we were discussing our secret sexual fetishes. She said she always wanted to be handcuffed. So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase.

  • Having too much sex can cause memory loss!

    Having too much sex can cause memory loss!

    Oh and also, I can’t remember if I told you guys this but having too much sex can actually lead to memory loss!

  • My wife is pregnant, but due to Supply Chain issues we’re…

    My wife is pregnant, but due to Supply Chain issues we’re expecting the baby early 2023

  • My GPS just told me to turn around.

    My GPS just told me to turn around.

    Now I can’t see where I’m driving.

  • I was at a night club till 3 am yesterday celebrating my wife’s…

    I was at a night club till 3 am yesterday celebrating my wife’s birthday.

    When I came back home, she was furious.

  • .,njnm km]

    “You are the first woman that has ever given me an orgasm,” I told the prostitute.
    “That’s not true,” she replied.
    “Of course it is,” I laughed. “What do you mean?”
    She said, “I’m a man.”

  • A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made…

    A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied “1956, ma’am.” The woman, in disbelief said “1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better.” The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over an hour. Afterwards, the woman cuddled up to the general and said “Well, you sure haven’t forgotten anything since 1956…” The general looked at her, confused, and replied “I sure hope not, it’s only 2130 now.”