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Jokes

  • Wankers of the world, unite!

    What do you call two communists who masturbate together?
    Cum-rades!

  • Went to a Bush Lovers convention and found out that they were…

    went to a Bush Lovers convention and found out that they were talking about the band

  • OK, Google?

    Google Maps should really think about adding a “Closest place to have a piss” option.

  • What is a socialist’s favourite hotel?

    What is a socialist’s favourite hotel?
    Sheraton (Share a ton)

  • won`t be able

    A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw an elderly man walking past. She hasn’t had a customer in a while, so she calls out to him
    “Hey, would you like to have a fun time with me?”
    The old man said, “But I won’t be able to…”
    “Aww… give it a try… ”
    Old man says okay. They go in. The old man whips out his dick and fucks her harder than he had in decades, and for 30 minutes!
    When he’s done, the prostitute all exhausted and tired says, “But you said you wouldn’t be able to….”
    “…pay you.” replied the old man.

  • good news

    Putin went to see his most trusted advisor, who happened to be his personal physician. The doctor said, “I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?” Putin said, “I am a strong Russian man. I’ll take the bad news.” The doctor said, “the war is going badly. It will take another year to crush the Ukrainians.” Putin said, “thanks, I know it’s hard to be honest with a powerful man like me. What’s the good news?” The doctor said, “your cancer is back and you have only six months to live.”

  • Sit in the corner and lick your eyebrows

    How to make lesbians like you?
    Don’t be a dick.

  • Too high

    An elderly man went in to see his doctor.
    The doctor asked “What brings you in today?” The elderly man responds “My sex life is too high”. Obviously taken aback the doctor responds “What do you mean too high.” The elderly man said “It’s all up in my head and I want it down here. (Gesturing down)”

  • One thing my dad told me, he said, “Son, never explain yourself…

    One thing my dad told me, he said, “Son, never explain yourself to anyone.”

    He never did tell me why.

  • Only 5 reasons

    Women get mad for 5 reasons:
    1.) For everything.
    2.) For nothing.
    3.) Because yes.
    4.) Because no.
    5.) Just in case.