I took a vitamin supplement in hopes to look much younger.
Didn’t work at all. 🙁 I think this “B 12” slogan should be banned as false advertising!!
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
It’s hard to go on a date with a librarian
They’re always booked
The rude skeleton!
Why did the skeleton burp in church?He didn’t have the guts to fart.
People keep telling me to take an Anger Management class, but I don’t understand why…
I already know how to piss off management, why would I need to take a class for it?
Whats the diffarence between a dirty busstop and a lobster with breast implants?
One’s a crusty busstation, the other’s a busty crustation.
Why is dark spelt with a k but not a c?
Why is dark spelt with a k but not a c? Because you cant see in the dark.
My girlfriend told me she’s going to be a great comedian one day
She said every time we have sex a joke comes to her
A doctor I knew fell into a well, but it’s okay because he deserved it.
He should have tended to the sick and left the well alone.
I took my pie to Detroit, Nebraska and Alabama
My math teacher said that for pie to work take it to 3 dismal places.
1, 3, 5, 7, 9
Because I just can’t even.
Why did the leader of Russia fail his math test?
He didn’t putin enough effort.
I saw a clown with suit and case running into an allyway
I think there was some funny business going on there.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it…
Forget about the future, you can’t predict it.Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.
We decided to organize an intervention for our friend, who is addicted to taking laxatives.
I said, “This shit needs to stop.”
What joke blows up even if someone just thinks about it?
Unfortunately, my dick.
What do you call a chameleon that can’t change colors???
Reptile dysfunction…
If life was a comedy
I would be a tragedy. :'(
Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers.
Husband: To be honest I didn’t even know she sold them.
So I was charged for sex trafficking.
Never going to have sex in the middle of the highway anymore.
Answer in comments
What’s the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?
Hey y’all
Can y’all comment on this so I can follow you back
What did one tampon say to the other?
NothingThey were both stuck up cunts .
I had to sit through a 3-hour lecture about drills.
It’s just boring.
I can cut down a tree just by looking at it.
It’s true! I saw it with my own eyes.
Why was Christopher Nolan unable to share his movies?
Because he had NO-LAN!
How did the french communist say that he needed to pee?Weewee
How did the french communist say that he needed to pee?Weewee
A chemist walks into a bar and orders a Pb&J sandwich.
He dies of lead poisoning.
People used to call me ugly until they saw my bank account….
Now they call me ugly and poor
Did you hear about the boxer who wrapped his tighty-whities around his shoes?
He went through his whole career undie-feeted.