I went to a friend with whom i had recently fought.
I told him zilch. He then snapped and said” this means nothing”.
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
Heard about the Trump fruit salad?
It’s mostly orange ‘m’ peach.
(OC) what do you call a wall of teenage girls blocking a hallway?
The Great Wall of vagina
Noticed this glitch in the Aggressive heist option
Even if you didn’t steal the boring machine, you can still enter by the sewers.Has anyone noticed this too?
I got a haircut last week but I didn’t really like it.
It’s okay though, it’s growing on me.
What did the popcorn get charged for?
A-salt & Buttery.
Why did they call the painter who liked strangling sex, ‘the vegetable’
Cos he was an artichoke.
What did the ice say to the water?
Nothing. It is very cold
Fear of the show friends
Me: I’m afraid of the show FriendsTherapist: Dont worry I’ll be there for youMe: screams
In 2020 we’re going to have an entire year of bad puns about vision
I can see it clearly.
A morning kiss with a tight hug is a best feeling in the world
Unless you are in prison!!
Why are there so many tailors in France?
Because that’s where the pro fitter roles are.
Why did the Saudi Arabian cross the road?
To get to the other… Sa’id…
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
Chicken Tenders
When I die, I’d like to go in my sleep like my grandfather.
Not screaming like the other 4 people in the car.
Common English mistakes:
Mixing up their, there or they’reWrong use of to, too or twoEnslaving innocent peoplePutting commas in the wrong place
Chuck Norris once slapped a JPEG and it became a GIF
Are Chuck Norris jokes even still a thing???
One-night stands are great with drummers
As opposed to guitarists, there’s no strings attached.
Hamburgers and titjobs have a lot in common
They’re both just pieces of meat stuck in between 2 soft buns
What’s the similarity between a hare and a pear?
They’re both green…Apart from the hare.
French communists must be like
we, we! baguettes!
Did you hear about the time traveling politician?
Their policies are ahead of the times
Good TV stands for 43 inch ?
Budget is around $200 and im looking for something simple and can still fit an audio setup (nothing crazy)
Say “beer can” in a British accent.
No, wait, that’s “Bacon” in Jamaican.
What would happen if the electricity was disconnected at a brothel?
They would have to use a candle.
My boss sent me an email in big, dark letters demanding that I personally deliver my report to him ASAP…
I’ve got to hand it to him, that was pretty bold.
What did the exit sign at the sperm bank say?
Thanks for coming.
My mum doesn’t like people who cuss. My best friend cusses a lot. His name is Red.
It was Fred before she beat the F out of him.
How do you respond to someone calling you a grammar nazi?
You call them antisemantic!