In 2020 we’re going to have an entire year of bad puns about vision
I can see it clearly.
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
A morning kiss with a tight hug is a best feeling in the world
Unless you are in prison!!
Why are there so many tailors in France?
Because that’s where the pro fitter roles are.
Why did the Saudi Arabian cross the road?
To get to the other… Sa’id…
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
Chicken Tenders
When I die, I’d like to go in my sleep like my grandfather.
Not screaming like the other 4 people in the car.
Common English mistakes:
Mixing up their, there or they’reWrong use of to, too or twoEnslaving innocent peoplePutting commas in the wrong place
Chuck Norris once slapped a JPEG and it became a GIF
Are Chuck Norris jokes even still a thing???
One-night stands are great with drummers
As opposed to guitarists, there’s no strings attached.
Hamburgers and titjobs have a lot in common
They’re both just pieces of meat stuck in between 2 soft buns
What’s the similarity between a hare and a pear?
They’re both green…Apart from the hare.
French communists must be like
we, we! baguettes!
Did you hear about the time traveling politician?
Their policies are ahead of the times
Good TV stands for 43 inch ?
Budget is around $200 and im looking for something simple and can still fit an audio setup (nothing crazy)
Say “beer can” in a British accent.
No, wait, that’s “Bacon” in Jamaican.
What would happen if the electricity was disconnected at a brothel?
They would have to use a candle.
My boss sent me an email in big, dark letters demanding that I personally deliver my report to him ASAP…
I’ve got to hand it to him, that was pretty bold.
What did the exit sign at the sperm bank say?
Thanks for coming.
My mum doesn’t like people who cuss. My best friend cusses a lot. His name is Red.
It was Fred before she beat the F out of him.
How do you respond to someone calling you a grammar nazi?
You call them antisemantic!
I took a vitamin supplement in hopes to look much younger.
Didn’t work at all. 🙁 I think this “B 12” slogan should be banned as false advertising!!
It’s hard to go on a date with a librarian
They’re always booked
The rude skeleton!
Why did the skeleton burp in church?He didn’t have the guts to fart.
People keep telling me to take an Anger Management class, but I don’t understand why…
I already know how to piss off management, why would I need to take a class for it?
Whats the diffarence between a dirty busstop and a lobster with breast implants?
One’s a crusty busstation, the other’s a busty crustation.
Why is dark spelt with a k but not a c?
Why is dark spelt with a k but not a c? Because you cant see in the dark.
My girlfriend told me she’s going to be a great comedian one day
She said every time we have sex a joke comes to her
A doctor I knew fell into a well, but it’s okay because he deserved it.
He should have tended to the sick and left the well alone.