My wife asked me to provide her with encouragement as she attempts to lose weight next year.
I said, “Don’t worry. It’ll be a piece of cake.”
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
3 men walk into a bar
Man 1 starts to kiss man 2Man 3: “dude you can’t do that here”Man 2: “why not, it’s 2019 dude”Man 3: “not for long…”
I remember once at school we had a spelling bee
We also had an ant that could tap dance
People never talk about the 12th reindeer, probably because she’s so rude to Rudolph
Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names
Before my surgery my anaesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Sidemen v Others (Sorry Callux)
Others: Got a new song incoming stay tuned to my main channelSidemen: Our songs will be posted on our second channel
Ready? On Three: why does every French cat drown?
Un, Deux, Trois… Cat sank
Wow these kenyans run so fast.
Dude they do naerobics.
What’s another term for an unpaid internship?
A preoccupation.
People’s Postcode Lottery?
Is this nonsense? Does anyone win? Do you do it?
I dont like to sit infront of people that talk too much.
But when I do I just go, hey man, you want some taffy.
What did the sorority girl say when she saw Santa delivering presents?
“Yassss, Sleigh bitch!”
Indian girl sings her first-ever self composed Korean song(self learnt Korean)
View CommentsPlay0:000:00SettingsFullscreen
I asked Ryu from Street Fighter, “Can I borrow that uppercut move you do… Whatever that’s called?”
He yelled back “SURE-A-YOU CAN!”
I’d tell you a UDP joke
But you might not get it
shouldn’t gen z be called millenials because our generation actually crosses the millenium?
according to google the years of gen z are 1995-2012 not agreeing but just confused
What happens when a communist gets the flu?
They sneeze (the means of production)
I have a girlfriend,
She just exists in the solution to x^2 +1=0
Did y’all hear about the blonde that got fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away all the Ws
I had to search for the Peloton ad everyone was talking about on YouTube
Then I realized the ad was only targeting people who werent broke
I didn’t get a warranty on my air conditioner…
But it would be cool if I did.
I once saw a group of dudes punching an old man, so I decided to help
He never stood a chance against us
I went to a friend with whom i had recently fought.
I told him zilch. He then snapped and said” this means nothing”.
Heard about the Trump fruit salad?
It’s mostly orange ‘m’ peach.
(OC) what do you call a wall of teenage girls blocking a hallway?
The Great Wall of vagina
Noticed this glitch in the Aggressive heist option
Even if you didn’t steal the boring machine, you can still enter by the sewers.Has anyone noticed this too?
I got a haircut last week but I didn’t really like it.
It’s okay though, it’s growing on me.
What did the popcorn get charged for?
A-salt & Buttery.
Why did they call the painter who liked strangling sex, ‘the vegetable’
Cos he was an artichoke.
What did the ice say to the water?
Nothing. It is very cold