I hate Russian dolls
They are so full of themselves
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
When I do the Hokey-Pokey, I **always** put my whole self in.
And then, I shake it all about. I don’t know about y’all, but I think that’s what it’s all about.
I recently had to get surgery done on my lungs
The doctors said it was breathtaking
How does a thief get into a house?
Intruder window
What is the speed limit of sex?
68.At 69 you have to turn around.
Why isn‘t salt free?
Because it‘s sold.
If I got a reddit nickel for every time I’ve contributed..
I must have contributed exactly 50 times.
Jesus walks into a bar
Hands the barman some nails and says, “can you put me up for the night?”
Why don’t people want to play board games made in Thailand?
Because it’s always a Thai game.
As Mary told the wisemen,
Who brings myrrh to a christening?
How do you know if a hippie’s been in your house?
They’re still there.
I dont tell people about my sex life anymore
Because nobody wants to hear my fuckin’ stories
When you’re bi and single, you’re not bisexual.
You’re bi yourself.
Wanna know what’s great about orphan jokes?
They never hit too close to home.
I wanted to post a joke about Sodium but I was like Na, people won’t Understand.
Want to hear a joke about Sodium hypobromite?NaBrO.
A redhair with a handlebar moustache
driving a Renault Megane
What Christmas Carol is sung by hallucinating psychotics??
“Do You Hear What I Hear”
What did the hungry Jewish family say when they saw breakfast?
We have a latke to be thankful for.
No matter how much you push the envelope
It will always remain stationery.
When were the first hippies?
Back in the stoned age
Build a man a fire he’ll be warm for the rest of the night.
Light a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Why couldn’t the Grinch steal Christmas?
Because of the Santa clause.
What did Bob Ross refer to his children as?
Happy little accidents
Just finished the dishes and there are already more
It a dishes cycle.
Is your name medusa?
Because every time I look at you I get rock hard!
I’m 6 foot, 3 inches.
but those two measurements are separate.