How I feel about my GPA is how a parent feels about their autistic child
Good enough, but embarrassing to show to others.
One-Liners
More than 1,900 one-liners in one place: short, sharp jokes that land in a single sentence. These quick one-line jokes are perfect for a fast laugh, a text to a friend, or a line to steal for your next toast. If you want the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 300 short jokes and one-liners or the 50 best one-liners. We keep adding new ones, so there is always something fresh here to make you groan and grin.
What did the Austrailian sailor say to his shipmate when he spotted the enemy ship far away on the horizon?
What did the Australian sailor say when his shipmate spotted the enemy ship far away on the horizon?”Good eye, mate!”
I explained, to my friend Remi, my design for a solar kettle made of dough.
“Dough, Remi. For solar tea. Dough.”
I broke a table fan…
Now it has a separate fan base.
What did Reddit say when it opened a vacuum?
Wow! Such empty.
My girlfriend asked me if I’d like a threesome, and who out of her friends I would pick
Apparently I was only supposed to name one, not two
What do you call a magic dog?
A Labracadabrador
My wife said I don’t listen to her….
At least that’s what I think she said.
I Need a Joke For A Song Called Brain Sprain
The song has to lyrics it’s for a jazz band but I can’t think of any jokes
One benefit of living in a van.
You can go basically anywhere on house arrest.
Don’t be worried about your smartphone and television collecting your data…
Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for YEARS now.
It was easy to stop girls from eating Tide Pods.
It was harder to deter gents.
The Worst Comedian in the World
Have you guys heard about the terrible comedian who never finishes any of his jokes?
I sometimes wonder what would happen if there was no gravity
anyway iv’e had an uplifting day
What is the difference between most people and horses?
Most people are asses
The flat earth society is pretty big!
They have members all around the globe!
My wife thinks I’m teasing her
Really, I still can’t find the hole!
What does burnt breads, soldiers dying, and pregnant women have in common!
Pulling out too late.
Why is it smarter to smoke weed than drink beer?
Because Budweiser
Why was Santa’s sack empty at the end of Christmas night?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What did the little ghost boy call his transgender ghost mother?
Transparent.Feel free to drop advice on better delivery, I’m open to suggestions.
Ever wonder why comedians don’t run for President?
They’d just make a joke of it.
Who is my good boi? My dog: woof woof…
Who is your ancestor?My dog: wolf wolf…
Why did the rapper died while he was free styling?
Because he was on fire.
I checked my local weather app to see if I’d get snow for Christmas this year
Guess it’s still up in the air ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other:
“I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”
Her: You got a vasectomy without telling anyone! Are you kidding me?
Me: Technically I can’t.
why dog shope not exists?
imagene, u go in and see dog yuo like, and i get him if pay moneiy, why not is exists yet, IT ARE GOOD.
What’s a Tesla Coil’s favorite author?
Nikola’s Sparks