If anyone on this sub is thinking of getting married, consider this carefully before you do.
On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.But on the other hand, you don’t.
Marriage Jokes
Marriage jokes for anyone who has said I do and lived to laugh about it. From nagging spouses to selective hearing and the joys of a shared bank account, these jokes poke fun at wedded life in all its glory. Read a few to your other half, if you dare.
Decent and respectful gesture
To guys where out hunting one day. As they came to a clearing, they could see a group of people walking slowly up the road,… Read More »Decent and respectful gesture
JOKESTER
It’s not true love if he doesn’t text you after his wife falls asleep
She won’t admit it, but I’m sure my wife’s favorite sex position is “trick-dog style.”
It’s where I sit up and beg, then she rolls over and plays dead.
A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she… Read More »A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
It was freezing that day and I prayed for snow at my wedding…
It never happened but I got 8 inches on my honey moon.
Cheerio
So in this magical land where everyone is a cheerio. You have normal Cheerios, frosted Cheerios you know the whole 9 yards. Well this normal… Read More »Cheerio
I asked my wife if i was the only one she’s been with.
She said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”.
I ain’t afraid of my wife!
But don’t tell her I said that.
I asked my wife suggestions for an exercise routine, and she said, “Why don’t you try lunges?”
I said, “That sounds…..like a big step.”
A Viking by the name of Rudolph the Red looked out his window.
He turns to his wife and says, Bring the little ones inside, it looks like its going to be a wet day. His wife says… Read More »A Viking by the name of Rudolph the Red looked out his window.
My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!”
I thought that was a really odd way to start a conversation with me.
A woman goes to buy a parrot
She sees three parrots with prices 100$, 120$ and 10$.She asks the shopkeeper “why is the third one very cheap?”The shopkeeper says “Because he used… Read More »A woman goes to buy a parrot
Y stands for Yanker…
The self-driving chap,He greases his pole and provokes his own sap.Absolved of the need of a quarrelsome wife,He humps himself nightly and lives a great… Read More »Y stands for Yanker…
My wife wants me to try a blindfold during sex, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.
I just can’t see myself wearing it.
My wife left me
a slice of pizza. She’s the best.
The biggest problem I’ve been having after being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s is after I wake up
I don’t know if the women in bed is my wife or if I should pay her.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins.
I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were men; one was a woman.
They all decided that one person would have to let go because if they didn’t, the rope would break and all of them would die.No… Read More »There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were men; one was a woman.
Once upon a time
in a far away land there was a noble king and his beautiful, pregnant wife. The king was much loved by his people, but he… Read More »Once upon a time
Did you hear about the horse who married a prostitute?
He was a one-trick pony.
Have you guys seen that peloton commercial where the wife is super stoked to get an exercise bike for Christmas?
Also, does anybody have a couch I could crash on for a few days?
A fisherman and his wife had two children: a boy and a girl.
They were deciding what to name the children, when the fisherman noticed that every time they stood on the balcony, the boy looked towards the… Read More »A fisherman and his wife had two children: a boy and a girl.
My wife left me because I am obsessed with Depeche Mode.
It’s ok though. I’ll Enjoy the Silence
A country singers truck
With the evolution of self driving cars it’s not gonna take long before a country singers truck leaves him as well as his wife.
I was embarrassed when my wife found out that I was playing with my son’s train set, so I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
There was a spider in our house
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.Went out.Had a few drinks.Nice guy.He’s a web designer.
My wife always has a headache when I come home from work. I asked her if I could help her get rid of it.
She said, “Yes, leave the room.”
A woman told her husband about her dream in which everybody she knows turned into zombies.
H: “Honey, even if I really turned into a zombie, I will never eat you.”W: “Aww….”H: “The doctor told me to cut down on fatty… Read More »A woman told her husband about her dream in which everybody she knows turned into zombies.
WIFE: I’ve thought about it, and I’ve decided I’m just not a kid person.
ME: Hey… [taking her hand] the word you’re looking for is “adult.”