How do biblical historians know Mary was married Joseph before Jesus was born?
Because Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Bethlehem
Marriage Jokes
Marriage jokes for anyone who has said I do and lived to laugh about it. From nagging spouses to selective hearing and the joys of a shared bank account, these jokes poke fun at wedded life in all its glory. Read a few to your other half, if you dare.
My Wife and I must be getting older. The meaning of 69 has changed …
Now we just lay on the bed and tie each others shoes.
Why does Dr. pepper coke in a bottle?
because his wife diedCome
A Man swapped places with his wife to see what she did all day
A Man was constantly grumbling about how he had to work all day to provide for his family while his stayed home and did nothing.God… Read More »A Man swapped places with his wife to see what she did all day
One day Saint Peter got bored
He decided to begin asking people how they died. A man comes up so saint Peter asked how he died. The man said “I was… Read More »One day Saint Peter got bored
How do you have a long lasting marriage?
Don’t get caught.
You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout.
SON: MOM! DAD THREATENED ME!WIFE: stop scaring our son.ME: I’m just singing Christmas songs to him.WIFE: aww okSON:ME: he knows when you are sleeping.
Just like my ex-husband,
The seasons come and go
I spent $80 on a belt that didn’t fit…
My wife said it was a huge waist.
A man asked his wife how much longer is she going to take to get ready.
His wife said, “For the love of God, I said 5 minutes. Do you actually have to make me repeat myself every 20 minutes?”
My wife: Why don’t you write a book instead of your terrible word play jokes?
Me: That’s ……a novel idea.
Somewhere in Siberia
Note: translated from another language(dirty)LongSiberia, it’s super cold,freezing, a man is crawling, struggling hard, he’s on a verge of death. Suddenly he sees a light… Read More »Somewhere in Siberia
My English wife and I were arguing over the pronunciation of inventory
She: it’s INVENT-ryMe: no it’s inven-TORYShe: I ain’t having no Tories in my mouth.
I lost 200 lbs over the Summer.
“Wow! What’s your secret?”Divorce.
The seasons did it just like my ex-husband
They came and went
My wife says I’m always repeating myself.
My wife says I’m always repeating myself
An American just married his Chinese mail order bride…
They’re at the hotel after their quick wedding, ready to be intimate for the first time. They’re making out, things are getting hot and heavy.Chinese… Read More »An American just married his Chinese mail order bride…
My wife just sent me this text: “Thespacebaronmykeyboardstoppedworking.canyoupleasegivemeanalternativewhenyougethometonight?”
Pretty excited… but does anyone know what “ternative” means?
My wife claims that I have zero empathy.
I don’t understand why she feels that way.
Wife: I’m pregnant
Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m DadWife: No you’re not
My cousin has dark hair. His wife is blonde. All four of their kids have light colored hair.
Genetically speaking, there’s a 15 in 16 chance that she’s cheating.
I don’t know why they have to Italian, but … (longish)
A young Italian bride is to spend her wedding night at her mother’s house. The bride and groom retire to the bedroom, where the groom… Read More »I don’t know why they have to Italian, but … (longish)
Why can’t Stevie Wonder see his friends.
Because he’s married.
A 9-1-1 operator in the deep South picks up the phone
“9-1-1, what is your emergency?””Oh my God, it’s my wife – she done been gored by a hog, she’s bleedin’ some real bad! Send help!””Calm… Read More »A 9-1-1 operator in the deep South picks up the phone
Boy aged 4: Dad, I’ve decided to get married.
Dad: Wonderful; do you have a girl in mind?!Boy: Yes… grandma! She said she loves me, I love her, too….and she’s the best cook &… Read More »Boy aged 4: Dad, I’ve decided to get married.
What’s the similarity bettween a wife and a handgrenate?
If you pull the ring off them,they take half the house
My wife asked me today if I was still talking my fiber supplements.
I said I wasn’t being very regular about it.
A recently-married man is serving in the Navy.
He is on a ship near an island a long way from home, and he knows he will be there a long time. He sends… Read More »A recently-married man is serving in the Navy.