My mate asked “what’s the secret to your happy marriage?” I…
my mate asked “what’s the secret to your happy marriage?” I replied.. “Chemistry… I’m on valium and the hubby’s on Prozac”
Marriage Jokes
Marriage jokes for anyone who has said I do and lived to laugh about it. From nagging spouses to selective hearing and the joys of a shared bank account, these jokes poke fun at wedded life in all its glory. Read a few to your other half, if you dare.
My wife left me because of autocorrect That’s the last time…
My wife left me because of autocorrect That’s the last time she’ll ever text me saying “Can you please bring home some milf from the… Read More »My wife left me because of autocorrect That’s the last time…
My wife recently discovered I was cheating after she found all…
My wife recently discovered I was cheating after she found all those letters I’d been hiding. She got really mad and said she’s never going… Read More »My wife recently discovered I was cheating after she found all…
A man walks into a bar…
The bartender asks “Why the long face?” The man replies “I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I’ve decided I’m going… Read More »A man walks into a bar…
I do what the voices in my wife’s head tells me to do…
I do what the voices in my wife’s head tells me to do…
When my wife said she’d be with me until I was old and gray I…
When my wife said she’d be with me until I was old and gray I did not realize she meant 37
A man and his wife went on a weekend trip to the big city
Tired of going from shop to shop and arguing with his wife about it, he stands outside the next shop in protest. While waiting a… Read More »A man and his wife went on a weekend trip to the big city
Playing doctors and nurses with the wife in the bedroom last…
Playing doctors and nurses with the wife in the bedroom last night didn’t go very well. Especially when I diagnosed her as clinically obese.
I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and…
I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and noticed that she made way too many trips to get each of the items… Read More »I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and…
Wife was massaging her husband’s head.
Wife was massaging her husband’s head. Wife : you always ask for a head massage. Wonder who gave it to you before marriage. Husband :… Read More »Wife was massaging her husband’s head.
I married a nymphomaniac.
I married a nymphomaniac. Now after 5 years of marriage, the nympho is gone. And I’m left with the maniac.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she’s been with.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she’s been with. She said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”.
I now know why Jeff Bezos divorced with his wife…
I now know why Jeff Bezos divorced with his wife… He needed space.
Filtered
My ex-wife passed away so I went to the cemetery to honor her. I brought a 20 year old bottle of fine scotch and poured… Read More »Filtered
My wife is anti vaxx Calls herself miss Doubt Pfizer
My wife is anti vaxx Calls herself miss Doubt Pfizer
I remember when I first started dating my wife, I got a hard-on…
I remember when I first started dating my wife, I got a hard-on just watching her eating a banana. Now after ten years of marriage,… Read More »I remember when I first started dating my wife, I got a hard-on…
My wife said that I have no discretion…
My wife said that I have no discretion… What do you guys think?
I call my wife Bambi, she thinks it’s because she is cute with…
I call my wife Bambi, she thinks it’s because she is cute with big brown eyes. But in reality, I just hope someone shoots her… Read More »I call my wife Bambi, she thinks it’s because she is cute with…
My wife just recently completed a 40-week body building…
My wife just recently completed a 40-week body building course…It’s a boy and he weighs 11lbs 4oz
My wife asked me which of her friends I want to have a threesome…
My wife asked me which of her friends I want to have a threesome with.Apparently, I wasn’t supposed to pick two of them.
2020 is still better than my first marriage
2020 is still better than my first marriage
Something
I took a girl back home last night. We got kissing on the sofa, before I slipped my hand in her knickers, she asked, “Shall… Read More »Something
Check
My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the UPS driver knocked on our door to see if everything was alright
I was complaining to my wife about our nonexistent sex life.
I was complaining to my wife about our nonexistent sex life. Zero fucks were given.
Sorry pal
Last night after a few beers my mate asked if he could stay on my sofa I had to explain to him that I’m married… Read More »Sorry pal
Protect
The quarantine has ruined many marriages but mine is still going strong. Just the other day I woke up to my beautiful and loving wife… Read More »Protect
I haven’t laughed since my wife died.
I haven’t laughed since my wife died. People often ask: Why did you laugh when your wife died?
JOKESTER
my husband pissed me off today, so I poured some water on the floor in front of the washing machine…..2 hours he’s been trying to… Read More »JOKESTER
JOKESTER
A man’s making love to his wife. He asks her “Can you moan to get me more excited?” She says “the taps dripping, you ain’t… Read More »JOKESTER
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been… Read More »After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.