Miracle
Guys I need your help desperately. I’m in the middle of a huge argument with my wife and she just told me I’m right !!!… Read More »Miracle
Marriage Jokes
Marriage jokes for anyone who has said I do and lived to laugh about it. From nagging spouses to selective hearing and the joys of a shared bank account, these jokes poke fun at wedded life in all its glory. Read a few to your other half, if you dare.
For our holiday I told my wife I had booked a trip around the…
For our holiday I told my wife I had booked a trip around the world “Can’t we go somewhere else ” she said
– I’m your secret admirer. – Why is it secret?
– I’m your secret admirer. – Why is it secret? – My wife doesn’t have to find out.
My wife said she’s not with me cause I have money, she just…
My wife said she’s not with me cause I have money, she just likes my company.
at least one of them
An old man was attending his wife’s funeral. The preacher walked up to him and said, “May she rest in peace.” The man replied, “I… Read More »at least one of them
Eat your dinner, there are people starving in Africa” said my…
Eat your dinner, there are people starving in Africa” said my wife I replied : “Lets have sex then because there are horny men…. basically… Read More »Eat your dinner, there are people starving in Africa” said my…
My wife bites her lip to look sexy……….
My wife bites her lip to look sexy………. I just don’t have the heart to tell her you’re meant to bite the bottom lip.
My wife and I sometimes roleplay in the bedroom with me as a…
My wife and I sometimes roleplay in the bedroom with me as a weatherman I forecast 6+ inches lasting for a couple of hours. It… Read More »My wife and I sometimes roleplay in the bedroom with me as a…
After almost a year in a coma my wife is having to re learn the…
After almost a year in a coma my wife is having to re learn the basics. Like how to walk, how to talk, how to… Read More »After almost a year in a coma my wife is having to re learn the…
My wife phoned me and said I’m so excited, I just tried on my…
My wife phoned me and said I’m so excited, I just tried on my wedding dress and after 10 years it still fits. Of course… Read More »My wife phoned me and said I’m so excited, I just tried on my…
Not invited
I received a wedding invitation. It read, “Your presence itself is a present. We don’t want any presents at the wedding.” After re-reading it repeatedly,… Read More »Not invited
Pair of
A husband and wife are having dinner at a fancy restaurant when a couple looking absolutely gorgeous walk in “What a pair!” says the wife… Read More »Pair of
Some marriages have a happy ending…
Some marriages have a happy ending… It’s called divorce.
almost come
The man’s wife informed him that there was a plumbing leak just as he was leaving for work. He advised her to contact a plumber… Read More »almost come
How Swede it is.
My wife insisted that we go to Stockholm in vacation. I didn’t want to go at first, but now, I don’t want to leave.
The wife then has to finish it off herself.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse… Read More »The wife then has to finish it off herself.
husband’s funeral
A woman goes to her husband’s funeral and bursts out laughing. People ask her why she’s laughing? And she replies: We’ve been married 30 years,… Read More »husband’s funeral
My wife said, “You always come home in a bad mood…” “I can’t…
My wife said, “You always come home in a bad mood…” “I can’t remember the last time you came home in a good mood.” I… Read More »My wife said, “You always come home in a bad mood…” “I can’t…
Prolong
man: my wife has laryngitis Doctor: there’s no cure sir man: cure it? l want you to prolong it.
My wife and I were going on holiday.
My wife and I were going on holiday. And we were discussing our secret sexual fetishes. She said she always wanted to be handcuffed. So… Read More »My wife and I were going on holiday.
My wife is pregnant, but due to Supply Chain issues we’re…
My wife is pregnant, but due to Supply Chain issues we’re expecting the baby early 2023
I was at a night club till 3 am yesterday celebrating my wife’s…
I was at a night club till 3 am yesterday celebrating my wife’s birthday. When I came back home, she was furious.
A fast food worker gets home early from his night shift.
A fast food worker gets home early from his night shift. His wife asks him: “Why are you home so early?” He replies, “I put… Read More »A fast food worker gets home early from his night shift.
Give a man a fish, you’ll feed him for a day.
Give a man a fish, you’ll feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, and you can sleep with his wife while he’s… Read More »Give a man a fish, you’ll feed him for a day.
I beat my wife at dominos the other night.
I beat my wife at dominos the other night. She needs to learn that I choose the pizza toppings.
King Arthur got cursed with a strange disease and only an old…
King Arthur got cursed with a strange disease and only an old ugly witch can cure him. But the witch demanded a young handsome knight… Read More »King Arthur got cursed with a strange disease and only an old…
My mate asked “what’s the secret to your happy marriage?” I…
my mate asked “what’s the secret to your happy marriage?” I replied.. “Chemistry… I’m on valium and the hubby’s on Prozac”
My wife left me because of autocorrect That’s the last time…
My wife left me because of autocorrect That’s the last time she’ll ever text me saying “Can you please bring home some milf from the… Read More »My wife left me because of autocorrect That’s the last time…
My wife recently discovered I was cheating after she found all…
My wife recently discovered I was cheating after she found all those letters I’d been hiding. She got really mad and said she’s never going… Read More »My wife recently discovered I was cheating after she found all…
A man walks into a bar…
The bartender asks “Why the long face?” The man replies “I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I’ve decided I’m going… Read More »A man walks into a bar…