After my wife heard about “A woman’s right to shoes,” she went…
After my wife heard about “A woman’s right to shoes,” she went out and bought 12 new pairs.
Marriage Jokes
Marriage jokes for anyone who has said I do and lived to laugh about it. From nagging spouses to selective hearing and the joys of a shared bank account, these jokes poke fun at wedded life in all its glory. Read a few to your other half, if you dare.
The day my wife died, I felt the worst pain I ever felt in my…
The day my wife died, I felt the worst pain I ever felt in my entire life. I somehow shot myself in the eye when… Read More »The day my wife died, I felt the worst pain I ever felt in my…
My wife said It’s final we’re going to my mother’s Halloween…
My wife said It’s final we’re going to my mother’s Halloween party whether you like it or not. So you better decide what you’re going… Read More »My wife said It’s final we’re going to my mother’s Halloween…
Are you hear me?
A man is convinced is wife is going deaf, but she won’t admit it. So he decides to test his theory once and for all.… Read More »Are you hear me?
Last chance
Man: Do you want to have dinner with me at Saturday night? Girl: Actually, I am getting married on Saturday Man: hmmm…. Friday night then?!
Wife: When was the last time you gave me an orgasm.
Wife: When was the last time you gave me an orgasm. Husband: Well this morning if I’m not mistaken. Wife: Yeah in your dreams.Husband: No… Read More »Wife: When was the last time you gave me an orgasm.
Wife: Honey, the vacuum cleaner doesn’t suck any more!
Wife: Honey, the vacuum cleaner doesn’t suck any more! Hubby: Wait let me see……ah….we have to get a new one…..this one probably got married!
I saw my girlfriend with another guy at the mall.
I saw my girlfriend with another guy at the mall. I was about to confront them but I managed to calm myself down. That wouldn’t… Read More »I saw my girlfriend with another guy at the mall.
Hubby: Babe, I had a wet dream about you last night.
Hubby: Babe, I had a wet dream about you last night. Wife: Oh yeah? What was I wearing? Or not wearing? Hubby: Well…it was a… Read More »Hubby: Babe, I had a wet dream about you last night.
A man died and went to heaven.
A man died and went to heaven. A few days later his wife died and she also went to heaven. She saw him there and… Read More »A man died and went to heaven.
My girlfriend said “Don’t talk about sex until we’re married”…
My girlfriend said “Don’t talk about sex until we’re married” Now we’re married she says “you can TALK about sex all you want..”
I got home from the pub about midnight Sunday.
I got home from the pub about midnight Sunday. The wife was sat in the armchair, crying her eyes out in the dark. I could… Read More »I got home from the pub about midnight Sunday.
Has there been any lesbian divorces yet…
Has there been any lesbian divorces yet… I’m interested to see how both women will get 80% of the assets
Honey, where are you running now?
Anal sex keeps my wife in shape. Every time I just mention it and she runs a mile from me
A husband, wracked with guilt finally confesses to his…
A husband, wracked with guilt finally confesses to his wife……”dear, when I have sex with you, I often think of other women!” “You bastard!” she… Read More »A husband, wracked with guilt finally confesses to his…
Wedding joke
There is a cure for nymphomania, but it’s expensive. It can be cheap, but most people want a big ceremony, open bar at the reception,… Read More »Wedding joke
My wife and I have an open relationship.
My wife and I have an open relationship. Found out last night.
Me: “When I die, I want to die making love.” Wife: “At least it…
Me: “When I die, I want to die making love.” Wife: “At least it will be a very quick death.”
Unexpectedly early
So the other day my wife unexpectedly came home early from work and asked me if I wanted to play Monopoly with her. I agreed… Read More »Unexpectedly early
My wife and I were heading out for our date night.
My wife and I were heading out for our date night. The babysitter smiled and said, “you don’t need to rush home, take as long… Read More »My wife and I were heading out for our date night.
My wife and I started role playing in the bedroom.
My wife and I started role playing in the bedroom. Her favourite is, “Sexy Librarian”, where I have to sit quietly while she reads a… Read More »My wife and I started role playing in the bedroom.
Lists
My wife thought it would be fun if we each have a list of 3 people that would be OK to sleep with if given… Read More »Lists
What’s the opposite of an Aphrodisiac?
What’s the opposite of an Aphrodisiac? Wedding cake
My wife and I split up because of Psychological reasons….
My wife and I split up because of Psychological reasons…. She was Psycho, and I was Logical
My vagina is like the local gym,” said my wife. “What?” I asked….
My vagina is like the local gym,” said my wife. “What?” I asked. “Hot and sweaty?” “No,” she replied. “Only a few members use it… Read More »My vagina is like the local gym,” said my wife. “What?” I asked….
The newlywed couple come back from their honeymoon.
The newlywed couple come back from their honeymoon. The bride’s mother asks the groom: Did you enjoy “the whole thing”? The groom answers: Yes, I… Read More »The newlywed couple come back from their honeymoon.
So I noticed my wife put on some weight lately For her birthday…
So I noticed my wife put on some weight lately For her birthday I got her a dress 2 sizes smaller with a note “I’m… Read More »So I noticed my wife put on some weight lately For her birthday…
I’d never be unfaithful to my wife…
I’d never be unfaithful to my wife… I love my house too much.
A husband and wife sit down for a serious discussion.
A husband and wife sit down for a serious discussion. The husband holds his wife’s hand and says “I know I haven’t been the best… Read More »A husband and wife sit down for a serious discussion.
A guy turned to his wife who was reading her book and asked…
A guy turned to his wife who was reading her book and asked How’s your book? Interesting read? She replied: well, the only way I… Read More »A guy turned to his wife who was reading her book and asked…