A man walks into a bar…

The bartender asks “Why the long face?”
The man replies “I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I’ve decided I’m going to drink myself to death.”
The bartender looks shocked and says “I’m sorry I can’t help you kill yourself.”
The man asks “Well what would you do in my situation?”
The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says “If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn’t sit around feeling sorry for myself, I’d kill the guy.”
The man jumps up from his stool and shouts “That’s a great idea! Thanks!” and runs out of the bar.
A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the bar with a smile on his face.
“Did you kill the guy?” The bartender asks nervously.
“Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please.”

What do you call a girl who doesn’t give head? An Uber.

November 18

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My wife and I were going on holiday. And we were discussing our secret sexual fetishes. She said she always wanted to be handcuffed. So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase.

November 10

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Having too much sex can cause memory loss! Oh and also, I can’t remember if I told you guys this but having too much sex can actually lead to memory loss!

November 7

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My wife is pregnant, but due to Supply Chain issues we’re expecting the baby early 2023

November 7

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My GPS just told me to turn around. Now I can’t see where I’m driving.

November 3

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I was at a night club till 3 am yesterday celebrating my wife’s birthday. When I came back home, she was furious.

November 3

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“You are the first woman that has ever given me an orgasm,” I told the prostitute. “That’s not true,” she replied. “Of course it is,” I laughed. “What do you mean?” She said, “I’m a man.”

November 2

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A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied “1956, ma’am.” The woman, in disbelief said “1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better.” The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over […]

October 26

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A man walks into a brain store to buy a new brain He goes to the clerk and says   “Hello, I’d like to purchase a new brain”.   The clerk replies with “Sure, here are some of our brains we have on sale” “Here’s the brain of a physicist, 5 dollars.” “Here’s our second […]

October 26

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I ate a small pizza, but it wasn’t enough, so I ate a bigger one, and then a bigger one… They call it the dominoes effect.

October 25

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