Fired
It turns out that a monkey cannot in fact do my job, long story short, he got us both fired.
Fun jokes
Funny jokes for every mood, all gathered in one place. This is the heart of TheFun.Net, a growing collection of the best jokes we have found and loved, from quick one-liners to longer stories worth the read. New funny jokes land here all the time, so there is always a fresh reason to smile.
If there was an award for laziness, I’d probably send someone to…
If there was an award for laziness, I’d probably send someone to pick it up for me.
Paying
A married couple is remodeling their home and getting new doors so the husband asks his wife to go get hinges. She goes to the… Read More »Paying
No one at home…
They made an engaging looking couple in the swank restaurant: The man was handsome, graying and obviously well off; the woman was a joy to any eye – very young, ravishing and delectable.
As they each read their menus, the gentleman asked his date what she would like to eat.
Right hand
HUSBAND: Darling, if I lost my sight, would you be my eyes for me? WIFE: Of course I would sweetheart. HUSBAND: If I lost my… Read More »Right hand
Selfie
When I was a kid, a selfie was something you did with a bottle of lotion.
Your job is
Dear Heart {♥} , Please stop getting involved in everything. Your job is to pump blood, that’s it…
Do it
The old saying is that if you want something done right, do it yourself. This shouldn’t apply to sex.
Could you tell
Have you heard about a computer virus which fills your internet history with hundreds of pornographic websites, then plants a folder somewhere on your hard… Read More »Could you tell
Q&A
What do you call a caring, considerate and gifted man? A Myth.
Improvement
What’s the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital? At a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out.
A man walks into a library. “Yes we do,” says the librarian. “Do…
A man walks into a library. “Yes we do,” says the librarian. “Do you have any books about mind reading?” asks the man.
Bad luck
Just my luck — judging by the itching and the rash, I think I’m allergic to prostitutes…
Backup
And then the God said: “Noah, make a backup. I’m going to format”
Self esteem so low, you crop yourself out of your selfie.
Self esteem so low, you crop yourself out of your selfie.
Protection
I’ve been hiding from exercise….I’m in the fitness protection program.
Never
I don’t know how to act my age, because I have never been this old before!
Reverse
I went to see my psychiatrist yesterday and he said, “I want to try a little reverse psychology on you in this session.” I said,… Read More »Reverse
Enough
“Can I have a double Jack and coke please?” I slurred. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough, sir?” He replied. “What? Listen dickhead, I could… Read More »Enough
Happy to see
You know how when you break up with someone, then see them & they’ve gained weight & it makes you so happy? I think that’s… Read More »Happy to see
I’m taking the Highway to Hell because I am far too lazy to…
I’m taking the Highway to Hell because I am far too lazy to climb the Stairway to Heaven.
Oops, It slipped, wrong hole!
Oops, It slipped, wrong hole! But since I’m already here.. .. .. -Men
Witness
I took a taxi to my court appearance the other day. “What are you here for?” asked the driver. “My bankruptcy hearing. You might as… Read More »Witness
Unrealistic
Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
Leave me
I might look like I’m doing nothing.. but in my head I’m having a serious conversation
Hurts
Sometimes it physically hurts to hold back a sarcastic comment.
Fifth person
Some authors write in first person and others write in third person. But I’m writing my book in fifth person, so every sentence starts out… Read More »Fifth person
Replace
The L in my luck has been replaced with F.
Only with one finger
I attracted a girls attention from across a room while I was sat down by using one of my fingers indicating for her to “come… Read More »Only with one finger
Wrong formula
Why are Americans fat? Because they think E=MC Donalds 😁