English
“Mother! Don’t be so vulgar! I wasn’t “masturbatìng”. I was tentatively massaging the limb perpendicular to my torso while two appealing Homo sapiens of the… Read More »English
Fun jokes
Funny jokes for every mood, all gathered in one place. This is the heart of TheFun.Net, a growing collection of the best jokes we have found and loved, from quick one-liners to longer stories worth the read. New funny jokes land here all the time, so there is always a fresh reason to smile.
The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and…
The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife on the computer and remember that… Read More »The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and…
Wrong button
In a recent online survey, 90% of men admitted to masturbating regularly. The other 10% hit the wrong button with their left hand.
Selfie
The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
Listen
The NSA The only part of the government that actually listens.
I have the worst luck in girlfriends.
I have the worst luck in girlfriends. They always shout the wrong name in bed. When will women learn that my name is not God?
Forgive
Today I went to confessional at my local church. I said to the priest: “forgive me father for I have sinned, it’s been six months since my last confession.”
He asked what I would like to confess so I told him: “I’m going to bl@ckmail somebody father.”
“Why?” He asked.Read More »Forgive
Lesbians can also take Viagra.
Lesbians can also take Viagra. They don’t have to swallow it, they can just let it melt on their tongues.
Step by step
Instructions for falling down stairs… Step 1 Step 2 Step 4 Step 8
I bet that the little Red Riding Hood was blond.
I bet that the little Red Riding Hood was blond.
Over…
After my girlfriends father died we decided to get married stood on his grave. Well he did say I could marry his daughter over his… Read More »Over…
Fantasy
My husband asked me dress up as a nurse tonight to fulfill his fantasy…that we have Health Insurance!
for a minute
“I’ve been cheating on you,” I said to my wife . She said, “Really? Honestly? You lousy bastard.” “And furthermore,” I said, “she says I… Read More »for a minute
Coincidentally
me: ladies first her: is that because you want to look at my ass? me: no, it’s because I’m a gentleman…… looking at your ass… Read More »Coincidentally
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in…
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we’re terrified people in real life will find us… Read More »We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in…
Good morning
If you have to drink more than 3 cups of coffee in the morning, maybe you should switch to cocaine.
modes
I seem to have two modes: Sleep is for the weak, and then sleep for a week.
Role play
Me: Officer before you arrest me, can I use this get out of jail card? GF: This is why we don’t role play.
Make a wish
It was my son’s birthday yesterday. I said to him last night, “Blow out the candles and make a wish.” He said, “I wish you… Read More »Make a wish
Don’t understand
If someone doesn’t call back after 2-3 calls, chances are they’re just not that into you. I wish these debt collectors would understand that.
Three previous
My boss is coming to my grandad’s funeral tomorrow. He said, after his three previous funerals he personally wants to see the bastard go in… Read More »Three previous
Service
“So you’re telling me you carry a customer’s groceries to their car free of charge?” I asked the bag boy at the supermarket this morning.… Read More »Service
Present
My wife said I could do whatever I liked on my birthday. So I’m flying to Brazil to start a new life.
If I ever won the lottery, I would still go back to work….
If I ever won the lottery, I would still go back to work…. And tell them all to GO FUCK THEMSELVES.
Wine is like a laxative for feelings
wine is like a laxative for feelings
Worth
If someone needs to watch a flight attendant demonstrate how to fasten a seatbelt, is their life really worth saving?
Did you know: The average woman spends a year of her life…
Did you know: The average woman spends a year of her life deciding what to where.
Cards
“Do you accept cards as payment?” I asked the lad in the takeaway. “Of course, Sir”, he replied, smiling. “Great”, I replied, “this one is… Read More »Cards
Not husband
Wife:dear,this computer is not working as per my command. Husband:its a computer not a husband……!!!
Or…
Man: You look pretty today. Woman: Did I look bad yesterday? It was my hair wasn’t it? You think I’m fat.