What’s the difference between a jacket and a sweater?
A jacket is something to wear when you’re cold.A sweater is what you wear when your Mom is cold.
thefun
Sour pharmacist
So, my friend was going to the drugstore, and I asked if he would be so kind as to pick up a box of finely… Read More »Sour pharmacist
I’m thinking of replacing the heads on my toms. Is fiberskyn a good choice?
I’ve had a drum kit for ten years now and haven’t changed the heads or anything. Also, should I replace both heads or is just… Read More »I’m thinking of replacing the heads on my toms. Is fiberskyn a good choice?
What happened when Albert Einstein silenced his phone?
He won the no bell prize.
What kind of murderer has moral fiber?
A cereal killer.
I told my friends I was gonna go on HALO for a bit in 2007.
I just came back from a High Altitude Low Opening jump for 2019.
Whats the most common reasons why musicians go to jail?
For Hitting A Minor
I went to a job interview today…
The interviewer had pictures of himself holding up dead alligators, Nascar posters, and a picture of himself wearing a confederate flag shirt on his wall.… Read More »I went to a job interview today…
How do you know if you’re a shy pooper?
Whether or not you give a sh*t
TRP can’t define Alpha in a helpful way CMV
The biggest question anyone who enters TRP, right after ‘how do I get women to fuck?’ is ‘how can I be alpha?’ so this naturally… Read More »TRP can’t define Alpha in a helpful way CMV
I can see 2 weeks into the future.
Yeah, I have 2020 vision
Jokes
What’s the difference between someone who doesn’t understand figures of speech, and the Grinch?The first takes things literally. The other takes things, literally!The first takes… Read More »Jokes
We all know where the Big Apple is
But do we know where Minneapolis
Remember when picking up women
It’s the thot that counts
A patient calls his old therapist
Patient: I just feel like I can’t connect with anyone. I’m always the third wheel or being forgotten. No one has any time for me.… Read More »A patient calls his old therapist
« Dad, i just had my first sexual experience yesterday »
« Son, I’m proud of you. Come have a sit and tell me everything about it »« well i can’t sit, my butthole still hurts »
What did the melon say to his daughter when he caught her running off with her boyfriend?
You’re too young, you cantaloupe!
A few from my 8 year old sister…
Why does tigger smell?Because he’s been playing with poohWhich is the hairy side of a monkey?The outside
The donkey in the backyard
A restaurant owner has a sign in the front: “whoever makes the donkey in the backyard laugh, gets a free meal”A man comes in. He… Read More »The donkey in the backyard
What did the inflatable principle say to the inflatable school pupil when he brought in a pin into his inflatable school?
You’ve let me down, you’ve let the school down, but most of all you’ve let yourself down.
I know it’s naughty, but I gotta know…
When Santa does come once a year… does Mrs.Claus say “Let it Snow” or “Let it Go”?
Sara Jessica Parker walks into a bar
And the bartender says, “what can I get you?”
My wife asked me to provide her with encouragement as she attempts to lose weight next year.
I said, “Don’t worry. It’ll be a piece of cake.”
3 men walk into a bar
Man 1 starts to kiss man 2Man 3: “dude you can’t do that here”Man 2: “why not, it’s 2019 dude”Man 3: “not for long…”
I remember once at school we had a spelling bee
We also had an ant that could tap dance
A programmer has just had a baby
A friend arrives to visit and asks him ” Is it a boy or a girl?” The programmer replies : . . . . .… Read More »A programmer has just had a baby
People never talk about the 12th reindeer, probably because she’s so rude to Rudolph
Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names
As a child I stole money from my dads bank card.
I’m now a [m30] my dad never knew exactly how much I took but since then I have been fortunate enough to be able to… Read More »As a child I stole money from my dads bank card.
Before my surgery my anaesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.