I just had a near sex experience.
My wife flashed before my eyes.
Marriage Jokes
Marriage jokes for anyone who has said I do and lived to laugh about it. From nagging spouses to selective hearing and the joys of a shared bank account, these husband and wife jokes poke fun at wedded life in all its glory. Read a few to your other half, if you dare.
My wife baked me a cake and I told her I was sending it to Budapest.
She asked why Budapest.I said I’d renamed my stomach BudapestShe asked why againBecause Budapest is the capital of Hungry.She is divorcing me.
A calm, respected woman walks into a Pharmacy
As she walks in, she goes right up to the pharmacist, looks him straight into his eyes and said;”I would like to buy some cyanide,”The… Read More »A calm, respected woman walks into a Pharmacy
A man’s wife is 38 weeks pregnant with twins and he has to go on a month long business trip. Because the man knows that his wife will have the kids while he is gone he puts his brother in charge of accompanying his wife to the hospital and naming the kids.
Half way through the man’s trip, he gets a phone call from his brother who says, “Your wife just had a beautiful baby girl and… Read More »A man’s wife is 38 weeks pregnant with twins and he has to go on a month long business trip. Because the man knows that his wife will have the kids while he is gone he puts his brother in charge of accompanying his wife to the hospital and naming the kids.
I hit a new high today, but my wife tells me that it’s actually the lowest I’ve ever been.
Turns out substance abuse isn’t a joke.
A farmer asks his wife to tell something that makes him both happy and sad.
His wife replies: You have the biggest dick in the whole village.
A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary…
… and he’s wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.The mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that… Read More »A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary…
A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle.
Mom forgot until the last minute, so she dashed out and could only find a short pink nighty. She bought it and threw it into… Read More »A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle.
Wife Missing
My wife has been missing for a week. The police called me and said to prepare for the worst. So I went back to Goodwill… Read More »Wife Missing
My wife and I are into S & M
She sleeps and I masturbate.