Marriage jokes for anyone who has said I do and lived to laugh about it. From nagging spouses to selective hearing and the joys of a shared bank account, these jokes poke fun at wedded life in all its glory. Read a few to your other half, if you dare.
Whilst travelling to work on the train this morning I noticed this really fit bird that I couldn’t take my eyes off. She saw me… Read More »Whilst travelling to work on the train this morning I noticed…
The wife just told me that if I’m a good boy and eat all my dinner, she’s going to take me upstairs and fuck my… Read More »Lost appetite
” how old are you?” I asked my husband’s mistress. ” 20, I will be 21 in a few days!” ” Yeah we’ll see ”… Read More »We’ll see
My girlfriend complains all the time that she doesnt trust me, i dont know why, i mean my wife trusts me.
Philosophy of marriage : At the beginning, every wife treats her husband as GOD.. Later, somehow don’t know why.. alphabets get reversed.
My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with the Internet. Worse than that my son Google agrees with her.
Took the wife out for dinner last night & I was just about to order the steak when she said, “Why don’t you try something… Read More »long time
Sometimes, my secretary reminds me of my wife. I was unbuttoning her blouse the other day, and she said, “Remember, you have a wife.”
I’ve noticed there is a shocking amount of sex on TV lately. Especially when the wife goes out.
I said to my wife, “Have I told you lately that I love you?” She giggled and said, “No” I said, “Doesn’t that tell you… Read More »I said to my wife, “Have I told you lately that I love you?” She…
I came home from work last night and told my wife that I’ve been given a huge promotion at work which means I get my… Read More »No sex
Going to How to Train Your Dragon tomorrow… Or marriage counselling as the wife calls it.
wife : Tell me those three magical words.. husband : it’s my fault.
Wife says to husband, “You make love like you decorate.” Husband replies, “What very slow and professional?” “NO,”she replies, “I have to finish the job… Read More »to finish
I spent the entire day throwing darts at a picture of my wife. *wife phones* Wife: What you doing? Husband: Missing you
“Please, just let me finish.” I said to my wife during an argument last night. “No I will NOT let you finish!” she yelled, pulling… Read More »let me..
Having sex for money is illegal but most girls know clever tricks to get around it such as marriage.
A buddy of mine told me he found himself in a strange place after his divorce. He was standing in his kitchen.
A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. Read More »watch out
Can you explain how this lipstick got on your collar? asked a suspicious wife. No, I can’t, the husband said. I distinctly remember taking my… Read More »remember
Fred: “Why are you so upset? ” Harry: “My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning. ” Fred: “So what? ” Harry: “So she… Read More »Fred: “Why are you so upset?
HIM:”What do I need to buy for you to make me some guacamole?” ME:”A wedding ring.”
My wife told me women were better at multi tasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what, she… Read More »not better
My wife left me because of my obsession with The Beatles. It’s been a hard day’s night.
My wife and I have been trying to get pregnant for a few months now, so yesterday we went to an OBGYN’s office, to make… Read More »come inside
Sometimes I think that divorce would be easier than putting together the furniture my wife bought at IKEA.
I’ll never forget the day I got married. I’ve tried everything: drugs, alcohol, even hypnosis.
They say drugs and alcohol isn’t the answer. Unless they ask”What’s the secret to a happy marriage?”
Wife: What’s that beeping?” Me: “That’s my seat belt alarm.” Wife: “How can you ignore something so annoying?” Me: “Huh?”
A man received the following text from his neighbour: I am so sorry Bob. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I… Read More »autocorect