for a minute
“I’ve been cheating on you,” I said to my wife . She said, “Really? Honestly? You lousy bastard.” “And furthermore,” I said, “she says I… Read More »for a minute
Marriage Jokes
Marriage jokes for anyone who has said I do and lived to laugh about it. From nagging spouses to selective hearing and the joys of a shared bank account, these jokes poke fun at wedded life in all its glory. Read a few to your other half, if you dare.
Present
My wife said I could do whatever I liked on my birthday. So I’m flying to Brazil to start a new life.
Not husband
Wife:dear,this computer is not working as per my command. Husband:its a computer not a husband……!!!
As I waited to be taken down to start my prison term, I was…
As I waited to be taken down to start my prison term, I was allowed a final minute with my wife. I said “Listen Susan,… Read More »As I waited to be taken down to start my prison term, I was…
Whilst travelling to work on the train this morning I noticed…
Whilst travelling to work on the train this morning I noticed this really fit bird that I couldn’t take my eyes off. She saw me… Read More »Whilst travelling to work on the train this morning I noticed…
Lost appetite
The wife just told me that if I’m a good boy and eat all my dinner, she’s going to take me upstairs and fuck my… Read More »Lost appetite
We’ll see
” how old are you?” I asked my husband’s mistress. ” 20, I will be 21 in a few days!” ” Yeah we’ll see ”… Read More »We’ll see
trust
My girlfriend complains all the time that she doesnt trust me, i dont know why, i mean my wife trusts me.
reverse
Philosophy of marriage : At the beginning, every wife treats her husband as GOD.. Later, somehow don’t know why.. alphabets get reversed.
obsession
My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with the Internet. Worse than that my son Google agrees with her.
long time
Took the wife out for dinner last night & I was just about to order the steak when she said, “Why don’t you try something… Read More »long time
reminder
Sometimes, my secretary reminds me of my wife. I was unbuttoning her blouse the other day, and she said, “Remember, you have a wife.”
I’ve noticed there is a shocking amount of sex on TV lately.
I’ve noticed there is a shocking amount of sex on TV lately. Especially when the wife goes out.
I said to my wife, “Have I told you lately that I love you?” She…
I said to my wife, “Have I told you lately that I love you?” She giggled and said, “No” I said, “Doesn’t that tell you… Read More »I said to my wife, “Have I told you lately that I love you?” She…
No sex
I came home from work last night and told my wife that I’ve been given a huge promotion at work which means I get my… Read More »No sex
your dragon
Going to How to Train Your Dragon tomorrow… Or marriage counselling as the wife calls it.
magical words
wife : Tell me those three magical words.. husband : it’s my fault.
to finish
Wife says to husband, “You make love like you decorate.” Husband replies, “What very slow and professional?” “NO,”she replies, “I have to finish the job… Read More »to finish
missing
I spent the entire day throwing darts at a picture of my wife. *wife phones* Wife: What you doing? Husband: Missing you
let me..
“Please, just let me finish.” I said to my wife during an argument last night. “No I will NOT let you finish!” she yelled, pulling… Read More »let me..
JOKES
Having sex for money is illegal but most girls know clever tricks to get around it such as marriage.
strange
A buddy of mine told me he found himself in a strange place after his divorce. He was standing in his kitchen.
watch out
A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. Read More »watch out
remember
Can you explain how this lipstick got on your collar? asked a suspicious wife. No, I can’t, the husband said. I distinctly remember taking my… Read More »remember
Fred: “Why are you so upset?
Fred: “Why are you so upset? ” Harry: “My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning. ” Fred: “So what? ” Harry: “So she… Read More »Fred: “Why are you so upset?
proposal
HIM:”What do I need to buy for you to make me some guacamole?” ME:”A wedding ring.”
not better
My wife told me women were better at multi tasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what, she… Read More »not better
obsession
My wife left me because of my obsession with The Beatles. It’s been a hard day’s night.
come inside
My wife and I have been trying to get pregnant for a few months now, so yesterday we went to an OBGYN’s office, to make… Read More »come inside
easier
Sometimes I think that divorce would be easier than putting together the furniture my wife bought at IKEA.