degrees
A man finds his wife propping up their washing machine on one side with two bricks. Man: What the hell are you doing? Wife: Washing… Read More »degrees
Marriage Jokes
Marriage jokes for anyone who has said I do and lived to laugh about it. From nagging spouses to selective hearing and the joys of a shared bank account, these jokes poke fun at wedded life in all its glory. Read a few to your other half, if you dare.
missing
Husband throws darts at wife’s photo but not a single one hits the target. Wife from kitchen, “honey, what are you doing?” Husband, “Missing you… Read More »missing
ready
My husband said last night, “Do you realise my mother is coming over for dinner in 5 minutes?” I replied, “Yes I know, I’m getting… Read More »ready
dinner at the restaurant
Me and my wife were having a romantic meal in a restaurant, when I said, “Close your eyes babe and don’t peek until I say… Read More »dinner at the restaurant
I’ve just dropped my wife off at her mom’s, on my way to the bar.
I’ve just dropped my wife off at her mom’s, on my way to the bar. Man I fucking love this helicopter.
Me and my wife were sat outside a cafe in Barcelona today when…
Me and my wife were sat outside a cafe in Barcelona today when an absolutely stunning blonde with big tits and a perfect body walked… Read More »Me and my wife were sat outside a cafe in Barcelona today when…
difference
5 missed calls from your girlfriend means, you missed a fuck; 5 missed calls from your wife means, you are fucked!
f job
My wife filed for divorce when she found out I was in porn… what a hypocritical bitch, she was the one that told me to… Read More »f job
bad language
Just tried to remember the Macarena and wound up telling some deaf girl I fucked her husband.
Did you hear about the astronaut that left his wife over his job?
Did you hear about the astronaut that left his wife over his job? He needed Space…
trhreesome
NSA agent: honey I’m home Wife: how was work? NSA agent: it was great, i had phone sex threesome with a couple and they didn’t… Read More »trhreesome
advice
I ignored my doctor’s advice and ended up in hospital. I maybe should have stopped banging his wife.
special day
I lost my job and my wife on the same day. …Thank you Mega millions
for my wife
People look at me strange when I buy tampons at the supermarket. “They’re for the wife,” I say patiently, as I pack them away. Then… Read More »for my wife
horndog
At the marriage counselor, my wife says, “I do SO enjoy sex! But this horndog wants it five or six times a YEAR!”
like her
A completely wasted man walked into a bar and after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, he walked over… Read More »like her
self punishment
I would rather die: A husband walks in on his wife having an affair. Enraged, the husband grabs the man and takes him out to… Read More »self punishment
lap dancing
I don’t understand the point of lap dancing clubs. …If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay… Read More »lap dancing
dedication
I’ve been married to my wife ten years today. Having sex with just one person in ten years is pure dedication. I don’t know how… Read More »dedication
waiting game
My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other — so now it’s just a waiting game.
fingers
My wife was complaining that I never lift a finger around the house. So I did, The middle one.
institution
Someone once said to me, “You’re insane! You should be in an institution!” I said to them, “I’m married” You know what they say, marriage… Read More »institution
more beer
At the bar, Bizi orders 10 beers. An hour later, he orders 10 more. What does he have? …A wife and 4 fucking kids…
party problem
At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually… Read More »party problem
pills
My wife said “get some of those pills that help you get an erection”, should have seen her face when I tossed her the diet… Read More »pills
numbers
Husband: Honey, how many men have you slept with? Wife: 30…. Husband: I wish you’d have been a virgin when I married you. Wife: I… Read More »numbers
lipstick
My wife found lipstick in my pocket. I told her straight up that I was cheating on her………..there was no way I was gonna tell… Read More »lipstick
your life/wife
One million copies of a new book sold in just 2 days due to typing error of one alphabet in title “An idea, that can… Read More »your life/wife
drunk forever
Kid:Daddy why did you and mommy divorce? Dad:Well your mother couldn’t keep me drunk forever…
My wife told me to leave a tip for our waitress. “OK” I said,…
My wife told me to leave a tip for our waitress. “OK” I said, motioning to the waitress, “don’t ever get married”