asking
Got stopped by a policeman today. “Any idea how fast you were going back there?” He said “I’ll ask the questions”
Fun jokes
Funny jokes for every mood, all gathered in one place. This is the heart of TheFun.Net, a growing collection of the best jokes we have found and loved, from quick one-liners to longer stories worth the read. New funny jokes land here all the time, so there is always a fresh reason to smile.
advice
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
rates
How Girls Rate Guys: (Looks + money + humor + intelligence) So if you score a 0 on looks and humor, but have a 1… Read More »rates
another version
What if humans came from Mars? Some catastrophe happened and they needed to leave so “Noah’s Ark” was built as a space ship instead of… Read More »another version
prank
There is nothing funnier than yelling, “SHE’S STEALING MY CHILD!” and pointing at a woman who’s having trouble with her kid in public.
work out
I drink while I work out. I call it Bacardio.
one, two..
Summer vacations: where you drink triple, see double and act single.
I start every Monday morning with a simple affirmation: I will…
I start every Monday morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
Me when I was little: “F is for friends who do stuff together, U…
Me when I was little: “F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me.” Mom: What are you spelling? Me:… Read More »Me when I was little: “F is for friends who do stuff together, U…
bankruptcy
I have $.27 in my account…that means I have more money than the whole city of Detroit!
dictionary
The Hawaiian word for “lava”: “aa”, is remarkably similar to the word for “lava” used in the village of Pompeii: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!”
randevu
“Be very silent, i dont want my parents to know. They will kill me if they know I’m doing this, especially with you,” I whisper… Read More »randevu
cleaning
The only thing that men are good at cleaning are the Browser History.
viagra
Lesbians can also take Viagra. They don’t have to swallow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.
no addiction
After beating my gambling addiction for the last 8 months, I’ve decided to treat myself to a vacation with the money I’ve saved. Las Vegas… Read More »no addiction
like dog
WHAT IS IT BOY!!?? DID YOU SEE SOMETHING??? -Me talking to my penis when I get a random boner.
point
Why do people point at their wrist when they ask what time it is? I don’t point to my crotch when I ask where the… Read More »point
I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations…
I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations…
not using
Dear MTV, I was wondering if I could get my “M” back…. you know, since you’re not using it. Sincerely, -usic
lawyer
*Me as a lawyer* “Guiltypersonsayswhat?” “what?” “Your honor, I rest my case.”
transformation
Relationships are weird. “you’re funny and smart” eventually turns to “you think you know everything and everything is a joke to you”.
early
The people who complain about Mondays must not start drinking early enough.
surprise lunch
Put in an official complaint at work the other day after finding someone had shit in my lunchbox, and they immediately launched an investigation. Turned… Read More »surprise lunch
I just called in sick because I have a cold…. case if beer in…
I just called in sick because I have a cold…. case if beer in my fridge.
He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when your awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good… Sounds like Santas got Facebook
BBQ rules
We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity… Read More »BBQ rules
Girl: ok, you hang up. boy: no,you hang up girl: oh LOL, you…
girl: ok, you hang up. boy: no,you hang up girl: oh LOL, you hang up. President Obama: ” Aww both of you hang up.
compare
Whenever somebody says that something is “better than sex”, I always think “better than sex with you maybe”.
You can drown in 2 inches of water.
You can drown in 2 inches of water. I’m not stating facts, but I’m making suggestions.
not enough
Excuse me waiter, I’d like to return my food. It only received 10 likes on Instagram.