My uncle always dresses up in the worst Halloween costumes. So we were relieved when he said he was going to be a Muppet this year.
He was naked with an arm up his butt.
Dirty Jokes
Welcome to our dirty jokes collection, more than 400 of the filthiest and funniest adult jokes we could round up in one place. Expect NSFW one-liners, X-rated puns and cheeky gags made for grown-ups with a dark sense of humor. For the best of them sorted by topic, start with our 200 dirty jokes for adults. New dirty jokes get added all the time, so bookmark the page and check back. Strictly 18+ and definitely not one for the family dinner table.
A Musician Walks Into a Porn Movie Showing At a Theatre
He’s sitting there, waiting for the movie to start when a couple comes in sits down in front of him.Not wanting to seem like some… Read More »A Musician Walks Into a Porn Movie Showing At a Theatre
They say everything looks bigger when you’re a kid…
I knew my uncle’s dick wasn’t that huge
Sex jokes really suck
But they don’t swallow
A viagra overdose
Must be a hard way to go.
So I was learning Japanese ,I used to think Chan is used for women
Turns out I was watching Loli porn
What is better than a woman?
-It is 2 woman (Slightly hearable lesbian porn sounds.)
16 year old Trump just had sex
Young Trump: Dad, dad! I just had sex for the first time!Trump senior: thats great my son, you are a winner! Come, sit and tell… Read More »16 year old Trump just had sex
I hate phone sex
Once the phone is in, you can’t even hear what the other person is saying.
Doctor: During your surgery we accidentally amputated your genitals
Patient: WTF! Doctor: Ma’am, you need to calm down.Does this work? Not sure if it’s clear that the patient is a male originally. Should I… Read More »Doctor: During your surgery we accidentally amputated your genitals
I’m hosting a party for people who can’t get an orgasm
Please tell me, if you can’t come.
People say that if princess Diana had been wearing a seat belt she would still be with us today.
I say to those people. Have you tried snorting cocaine of a cock in the back of a limo wearing a seat belt? It’s fucking… Read More »People say that if princess Diana had been wearing a seat belt she would still be with us today.
I got a stripper cake as a gift for Christmas
Its the thot that counts
My friend can recognize a woman by looking at her breasts
He says they can hide their face, but they cannot hide their identitties
It was probably your sister.
A girl told me to cut my penis off in a fan.It was probably your sister.She said fix the fan.It was broke in 2.
This old bloke is in hospital.
This old bloke is in hospital.Tubes coming out of him, heart monitor, oxygen mask, the works.Nurse comes in to check on him.He seems agitated and… Read More »This old bloke is in hospital.
Naughty Norbert…
Little Norbert was kicked out of Maths class by his teacher. Apparently, “mouthwash” wasn’t the right answer for the question “what comes after 69?” ????… Read More »Naughty Norbert…
When I was younger, I lost my virginity to a prostitute and only lasted 3 secs..
I think it was the whoremoans that set me off.
Yes I get all the cool numbers- 420 is a weed thing, 69 is a sex thing…
and 9:45 is bedtime.
I asked dad if my mum had a history of mental illness. He snapped and said
“Don’t be disrespectful. You only exist because I stuck my dick in crazy.”
I would tell you how awkwardly my first experience with anal sex went.
But I don’t want to be the butt of the joke.
A panda walks into a bar.
He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the… Read More »A panda walks into a bar.
I like my coffee like I like my women
Without a penis.
Why is the ground so hard?
Because it’s a snow penis.-My cousins 8 year old son
I think women breast feeding in public is disgusting.
I was always taught that if you didn’t bring enough for the entire class, nobody gets to have any.
What should they say about you when you’re dead?
Tom, Dick and Harry where in a terrible car accident. Sadly, they all died. They followed the light through the tunnel and arrived at the… Read More »What should they say about you when you’re dead?
An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.
A man asks him,“What’s wrong?”The boy says,“Me ma is dead”.“Oh bejaysus,”the man says.“Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you?”The boy replies,“No tanks… Read More »An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.
I like my coffee like my girls.
Without another’s dick in it.
My 13 year old son came home the other night and told me he had just had sex for the first time. I asked him did he wear any protection?
He said, “yes Dad, we all wore balaclavas.”
Upset for being asked not to hold my nephew?
I’m so fricking mad right now, it’s pouring out of me. I need to know if my wife and I are assholes or getting wrongly… Read More »Upset for being asked not to hold my nephew?