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Dating Jokes

Dating jokes for the hopeful, the hopeless and everyone swiping in between. From first-date disasters to hilarious pickup lines and the mysteries of modern romance, these funny dating jokes will have you laughing instead of crying at your love life. Single or taken, there is something here for you.

Own hands

My girlfriend broke up with me. I guess it’s time to take things in my own hands now.

Surprise

I remember that look on my girlfriend face as I got down on one knee & pulled out the ring… Then ran as I handed… Read More »Surprise

Forever

“We’re going to be together for the rest of our lives,” smiled my girlfriend as we flew out to our dream holiday in Hawaii.  “You… Read More »Forever

Warning

Be wary if your girlfriend has a ‘”special romantic night” planned. You’ll burn yourself on at least one of the 30 odd fucking candles and… Read More »Warning

like God

My girlfriend treats me like God. She takes no notice of my existence till she wants something.

to try

My doctor told me that I was sterile today. I can’t wait to get home and tell my girlfriend that I want to try for… Read More »to try

trust

My girlfriend complains all the time that she doesnt trust me, i dont know why, i mean my wife trusts me.

working

His girlfriend left him a note on the fridge. “It’s not working, I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to my Mother’s house.” He opened… Read More »working

Busy hands

My son came home from school the other day with a massive bIack eye… I said, “Where the fùck did you get that from?” “Billy… Read More »Busy hands

cheating

While my girlfriend was showering I took a sneaky look at her Internet browsing history. I was shocked to see her last search was, ‘how… Read More »cheating

shock

My girlfriend just sat me down and confessed to me that she used to be a Christian. It came as quite a shock……. I’ve only… Read More »shock

long cuddle

I like a good long cuddle with my girlfriend after sex. It’s the quickest way to deflate her.

cheating

If you get a new job before you quit your old one, its considered responsible; however, if you do that with your girlfriend it’s considered… Read More »cheating

fault

it’s my girlfriend’s fault I slept with all her friends…. she’s the one that told them I have a huge cock!!

texting

I am surprised my girlfriend failed her driving test. She texted me like 3 times telling me everything was going good.

anything

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Apparently if your girlfriend or wife ever says “if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new….” “anything” doesn’t include getting stuck… Read More »anything

prank

As I bent down on one knee in the expensive restaurant my girlfriend starting crying and screaming “Yes!” As I picked up my phone from… Read More »prank

settle

With all the housework that I’ve done today, my boyfriend should give me a gold medal… But I’ll settle for a pearl necklace.

cache

I tried to download a girlfriend last night. But I didn’t have enough cache.

to reduce the losses

My girlfriend’s online shopping downstairs so I’m upstairs logged on to the same site and deleting everything in her cart.

change

My ex reminds me off pink floyd… He became less ‘how I wish you were here’ since he started dating ‘the dark side of the… Read More »change

mistake

My mate told me that his girlfriend talks in her sleep. “I know” probably wasn’t the best answer.

mistake

I sent texts to the wrong people. Now my wife thinks I’m gonna fuck her, and my girlfriend thinks I work late.

difference

DATING: “Oh, you’re so funny! I just love a man with a great sense of humor! ” RELATIONSHIP: “What the fuck is wrong with you?!… Read More »difference

second

My girlfriend notices i play X-box a lot.One afternoon she came over when i was playing X-box and she said “its like your second girlfriend”.I… Read More »second

honestly

“You have to enjoy the little things in life,” …I whispered into my girlfriend’s ears, as I took my pants off.

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