are you done
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table “are you done with that?” Especially when he’s breaking up with his girlfriend.
Dating Jokes
Dating jokes for the hopeful, the hopeless and everyone swiping in between. From first-date disasters to hilarious pickup lines and the mysteries of modern romance, these funny dating jokes will have you laughing instead of crying at your love life. Single or taken, there is something here for you.
Guy: Please don’t tell my girlfriend that we had sex.
Guy: Please don’t tell my girlfriend that we had sex. Girl: I won’t, my lips are sealed. Guy: LIAR!
confusing
I need to delete some of my fake dating profiles. It’s gotten so confusing I just met myself at Starbucks.
no way
A male whale and his mate were swimming around in the ocean, when all of a sudden, the male whale catches sight of a whaling vessel in the distance.
He takes a closer look, and recognizes it as the ship that harpooned his parents many years ago. So, he turns to his girlfriend and tells her that he wants to avenge the death of his parents.
Read More »no way
question
I’ve been with my girlfriend for around 4 years, so last night I finally popped the question. …Why the fuck are we still together?
suddenly
I took off my boyfriend’s glasses last night and said, “Wow, you’re stunning!” He said, “And so are you…. …suddenly.”
once or twice
My young Secretary was telling me a story today, that she had great sex last night with her boyfriend. But when they were finished, she looked in the box of condoms, but there were only six left out of twelve, so she asked her boyfriend what happened to the other five condoms?
He told her he’d masturbated with them.
Read More »once or twice
compromise
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn’t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat.
bacon
I looked at my girlfriend ,who was sitting next to me, and I thought to myself, “My God, what a beauty! What a woman! True… Read More »bacon
big and round
Her: Babe, I’m wet 😉 Dumb Boyfriend: Oh, you want a paper towel? Her: Stop playing around babe, I’m serious! DB: Ohhh, you want two… Read More »big and round
difference
5 missed calls from your girlfriend means, you missed a fuck; 5 missed calls from your wife means, you are fucked!
pissed
Last year, I brought my boyfriend home to meet my family for Christmas. My husband was pissed!
gentlemen
My boyfriend opened the car door for me last night. It would have been a sweet gesture had we not been going 70 mph.
lack of evidence
My girlfriend dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled “You’re being charged for being good in bed…” After 2 minutes she said… Read More »lack of evidence
last meal
I’m having a relaxing bath and I think my girlfriend is making me a sandwich! YES! I assume anyways since she’s bringing the toaster into… Read More »last meal
welcome to the jungle
I was getting ready to have sex with my girlfriend hazardous and she decided to put on some music I was confused on why the… Read More »welcome to the jungle
movie
A drunk guy was with his girlfriend in a cinema and suddenly, he fell asleep.After a while, he woke up and started screaming ‘MY PENIS,MY… Read More »movie
birds and the bees
My father taught me about the birds and the bees. Now I’m dating a blackbird that swallows.
honest
I asked my boyfriend if he would stay with me when I get fat and ugly. He said ” I’m already here…”
really good..
Either my boyfriend has early signs of Parkinson’s or I just gave him a really good blow-job.
not in a mood
I had to laugh last night when my boyfriend said he wasn’t in the mood for sex. As if it’s an option.
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