Glasses
Son: Where are my sunglasses? Dad: I don’t know… where are my dadglasses?
thefun
Survival
If your girl can’t cook and you cheat on her with a girl that can, then it’s not cheating… That’s called survival
Good..
There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & Good _uck. Whatever you are thinking… Is… Read More »Good..
Italic
The leaning tower of Pisa is in Italy. Therefore, it’s simply…Italicized.
My girlfriend has no interest in my personality, has no desire…
My girlfriend has no interest in my personality, has no desire to ever get to know the ‘real’ me and her only goal in life… Read More »My girlfriend has no interest in my personality, has no desire…
Guys get erections every morning, the concept of “morning”…
Guys get erections every morning, the concept of “morning” varies depending on where you live, with the “morning line” basically spinning around the earth infinitely.… Read More »Guys get erections every morning, the concept of “morning”…
Still
“Time is a construct of man, a means of adding value and structure to a chaotic universe, it serves no real purpose, it’s endless and… Read More »Still
Who are you
Dad: Son, you better pass that exam today or else forget me as your father! Son: Sure, whatever Dad. *5 Hours later* Dad: So, how’d… Read More »Who are you
Miss him
Two newlywed go on their honeymoon. As things start to get hot and heavy, The woman says, “Please be careful with me I’m a virgin.” The puzzled man replies, “But you’ve been married 3 times before.” “Read More »Miss him
Help!
Has anyone got a phone number for the Ghostbusters? I think I may have a poltergeist. I came in from work early and I heard… Read More »Help!
Withdrawing
All Samsung officials are withdrawing their children from school, as the first thing children are being taught is: A is for Apple.
Hope so
My girlfriend just got a very interesting fortune cookie: ‘Every exit is an entrance to a new experience’ “Wow” she said, “are you thinking what… Read More »Hope so
Christmas
The only time of year in which one can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of a sock.
See you
My wife said last night, “Do you realise my mother is coming over for dinner in 5 minutes?” I replied, “Yes I know, I’m getting… Read More »See you
Before her
Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement – not even her parent’s nasty divorce.Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!Jennifer asked her father’s new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. ”Read More »Before her
Correct
A woman has sued a hospital, stating that, after recent treatment, her husband had lost interest in sex. The doctors replied: ‘All we did was… Read More »Correct
Elfie
If one of Santa’s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an “elfie”?
Preferences
It’s funny how most men prefer specific fats on a woman’s body, while most women prefer specific muscles on a male body.
You’re not
“I’m going to pay for this in the morning,” I slurred after downing a bottle of whiskey. “No you’re not,” said the shop keeper.
Not gently
I went to see a nurse about my concerns my penis is too small. “There’s absolutely nothing there to worry about” She said Fucking bitch,… Read More »Not gently
Stoner thoughts:
Strippers are just married prostitutes. Think about it, they’ll tease you all daym but they’ll NEVER sleep with you.
“Don’t open that wardrobe!” shouted my wife as I was just about…
“Don’t open that wardrobe!” shouted my wife as I was just about to, “Your Christmas present is in there!” “Too late,” I said, pulling open… Read More »“Don’t open that wardrobe!” shouted my wife as I was just about…
Complaints
Being a man is far worse than being a women. Yeh, women get periods, pregnancy and mood swings. But, men have to marry them.
The best sex is “What if we get caught?” sex.
The best sex is “What if we get caught?” sex.
Irony
Isn’t it funny, you stop drinking cause you want to settle down and have kids. Then you have the little fuckers and all you want… Read More »Irony
Story
When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, there was a professor, whose last name was Peters, who felt animosity for Gandhi, and because Gandhi never lowered his head towards him, their “arguments” were very common.Read More »Story
Blah blah blah
“So how did the interview go?” my wife asked me. “I’m not too sure to be honest, I said all the usual stuff like, I’m… Read More »Blah blah blah
Oral skills
I remember back in High School, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good… Read More »Oral skills
“Do not fall in love with people like me.
“Do not fall in love with people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful… Read More »“Do not fall in love with people like me.
No replace
When asked if online comics would replace actual comic books, Stan Lee said, “Comic books are like boobs. They look great on a computer, but… Read More »No replace