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Irony

Isn’t it funny, you stop drinking cause you want to settle down and have kids. Then you have the little fuckers and all you want… Read More »Irony

Story

When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, there was a professor, whose last name was Peters, who felt animosity for Gandhi, and because Gandhi never lowered his head towards him, their “arguments” were very common.Read More »Story

No replace

When asked if online comics would replace actual comic books, Stan Lee said, “Comic books are like boobs. They look great on a computer, but… Read More »No replace

Explain

It would be difficult to explain a fountain to someone from the 3rd world. “This is our water showing off contraption… we also throw our… Read More »Explain

Best joke

The postman told me he’s off to Spain tomorrow so I asked if he was going to Parcelona and he ignored what I believe to… Read More »Best joke

Finger

Me: “Hey babe, I’m at the hospital, I cut off my finger.” Wife: “Oh no, the whole finger?”  Me:”No, no…the one next to it.” 

Direction

I went in a CD store and asked the guy behind the counter if they had any Run DMC records. “Walk this way,” he replied.

Difference

“I’ve got a boyfriend,” is a woman’s’s way of saying fuck off and leave me alone. “I’ve got a girlfriend,” is a man’s way of… Read More »Difference

Complaint

When I die, I’m not going to Heaven or Hell, I’m going to the Complaint Department.

In a row

My mom caught me masturbating when I was 14. My dad caught me smoking when I was 16 and he made me smoke 20 in… Read More »In a row

Not looking

A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because… Read More »Not looking

Irony

She believes in honesty and wears a padded bra.

Alive?

I didn’t have alcohol for a week and got a text from my Liver, “Hey there! You still alive?”

Nominated

Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as “man surprised his credit card was declined”

Own hands

My girlfriend broke up with me. I guess it’s time to take things in my own hands now.

Negotiate

The kidnapper rang and said to me, “€10,000 and you get your wife back.” “Negotiate with him!” advised the policeman. “€20,000 and she’s all yours.”… Read More »Negotiate

In line

When standing in line, I only hate the people in front of me. The people behind me are cool.

My cross

A husband coming home from a confession and lifts his wife and carries her on his shoulder. Wife: Did the priest tell you to be… Read More »My cross

Seenus

Three men were sitting on a bench in heaven discussing how they died. The first man said “I died of cancer.” The second man said,… Read More »Seenus