JOKESTER
What starts with an ‘O’ ends with an ‘ions’ and sometimes makes you cry? Opinions. ???
thefun
JOKESTER
I saw my Ex wife yesterday, she was at the other end of the Museum from me. I would have said hello, but there was… Read More »JOKESTER
JOKESTER
Me: sometimes I talk to myself Me: OMG, same
JOKESTER
Probiotics are good for you, but they’re still not sure about the benefits of amateur biotics.
JOKESTER
I went on a blind date with a woman, whose online profile said she had a “infectious smile.” She was fu***ng suffering from Herpes. ???
Jokester
Make it awkward today by asking people what they did for Valentine’s day.When they answer, “dinner”, you should say, “No…after that.”
Just sayin’
The phrase “until death do us part” was invented when the average lifespan was 35 years.
Neither me
Cop: Sir, are you drunk? Me: No, occifer. Cop: Step out of the car and say the alphabet backwards, please. Me: zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba Cop: I’m impressed,… Read More »Neither me
Empty is suspicious
After clearing your browser history there should be a button that makes a new history filled with regular websites instead of having it be all… Read More »Empty is suspicious
My opinion
Opinions are like orgasms. Mine is the most important and I really couldn’t care less about yours.
Why do we call it “losing your virginity”?
Why do we call it “losing your virginity”? Who loses it? Most of us don’t go looking for it after its gone.
Until
You haven’t seen a woman overreact until you tell her she is overreacting
Never mind
I had a dream I was swimming in chocolate, but when I woke up ……nevermind
Difference
Women can use sex to get what they want. Men can’t because, well, what they want is sex.
I agree
Arguing with a woman is like reading the Software License Agreement. In the end, you’re just ignoring everything & click, “I agree.”
Fired
It turns out that a monkey cannot in fact do my job, long story short, he got us both fired.
If there was an award for laziness, I’d probably send someone to…
If there was an award for laziness, I’d probably send someone to pick it up for me.
Paying
A married couple is remodeling their home and getting new doors so the husband asks his wife to go get hinges. She goes to the… Read More »Paying
No one at home…
They made an engaging looking couple in the swank restaurant: The man was handsome, graying and obviously well off; the woman was a joy to any eye – very young, ravishing and delectable.
As they each read their menus, the gentleman asked his date what she would like to eat.
Right hand
HUSBAND: Darling, if I lost my sight, would you be my eyes for me? WIFE: Of course I would sweetheart. HUSBAND: If I lost my… Read More »Right hand
Selfie
When I was a kid, a selfie was something you did with a bottle of lotion.
Your job is
Dear Heart {♥} , Please stop getting involved in everything. Your job is to pump blood, that’s it…
Do it
The old saying is that if you want something done right, do it yourself. This shouldn’t apply to sex.
Could you tell
Have you heard about a computer virus which fills your internet history with hundreds of pornographic websites, then plants a folder somewhere on your hard… Read More »Could you tell
Q&A
What do you call a caring, considerate and gifted man? A Myth.
Improvement
What’s the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital? At a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out.
A man walks into a library. “Yes we do,” says the librarian. “Do…
A man walks into a library. “Yes we do,” says the librarian. “Do you have any books about mind reading?” asks the man.
Bad luck
Just my luck — judging by the itching and the rash, I think I’m allergic to prostitutes…
Backup
And then the God said: “Noah, make a backup. I’m going to format”
Self esteem so low, you crop yourself out of your selfie.
Self esteem so low, you crop yourself out of your selfie.