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Forever

“We’re going to be together for the rest of our lives,” smiled my girlfriend as we flew out to our dream holiday in Hawaii.  “You… Read More »Forever

Dinners

My psychologist: Mhmm. Been drinking heavier than usual? Me: Mmm. Uhh. No, not really. Just the occasional glass of wine with dinner. My psychologist: Uh… Read More »Dinners

to be sure

Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is… Read More »to be sure

Olympic

girl- Harder! Deeper!! Faster!!! me- Wetter! Tighter!! Younger!!!

Who decided

If her bra and panties match when you take off her clothes, it wasn’t you who decided to have sex.

Familiar

If someone says “You look familiar,” just ask “Were we in prison together?” That will stop any further conversation… You’re welcome…

Trick

I can’t believe I actually tricked a woman into sleeping with me. All I had to do was buy her a ring and live with… Read More »Trick

Difference

What’s the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?  Jack Daniels is still killing Indians

Time machine

I love sleep because it’s like a time machine to breakfast

No mercy

When a woman is mad for whatever reason at a man and she remains quiet for long periods of time, beware that she is simply… Read More »No mercy

French

When I was a toddler, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” just after a swear word. I’ll never forget the first day at… Read More »French

From her

My wife wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache… I must have caught it from her last night when we didn’t have… Read More »From her

Terms

The bible is the longest set of Terms and Conditions ever. So many people agree with it without knowing why.

Nonsense

The Spice Girls showed us that women even when given the opportunity to tell us exactly what they want, what they really really want, will… Read More »Nonsense

Change

I have a confession to make, years ago I had a sex change, I went from having a lot of sex to having none… it… Read More »Change

Warning

Be wary if your girlfriend has a ‘”special romantic night” planned. You’ll burn yourself on at least one of the 30 odd fucking candles and… Read More »Warning

Average

A recent test showed that the average man burns off 125 calories after having sex for an hour… If he was having sex for an… Read More »Average

English

“Mother! Don’t be so vulgar! I wasn’t “masturbatìng”. I was tentatively massaging the limb perpendicular to my torso while two appealing Homo sapiens of the… Read More »English

Wrong button

In a recent online survey, 90% of men admitted to masturbating regularly. The other 10% hit the wrong button with their left hand.

Selfie

The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.

Listen

The NSA The only part of the government that actually listens.

Forgive

Today I went to confessional at my local church. I said to the priest: “forgive me father for I have sinned, it’s been six months since my last confession.”
He asked what I would like to confess so I told him: “I’m going to bl@ckmail somebody father.”
“Why?” He asked.Read More »Forgive