I hate it someone says “Get a job doing what you love”.
I hate it someone says “Get a job doing what you love”. Who is gonna pay me to chug Vodka and and act like an… Read More »I hate it someone says “Get a job doing what you love”.
thefun
What if Noah made a website?
what if Noah made a website? He would call it Waterbnb
You always claim Germans don’t have humour, but we have.
You always claim Germans don’t have humour, but we have. It’s just like healthcare. Most Americans don’t get it.
Yesterday I was diagnosed as a kleptomaniac I’m taking something…
Yesterday I was diagnosed as a kleptomaniac I’m taking something for it three times a day.
My girlfriend said “Don’t talk about sex until we’re married”…
My girlfriend said “Don’t talk about sex until we’re married” Now we’re married she says “you can TALK about sex all you want..”
Terrible night.
Terrible night. Dreamt something bit me on the neck. Got up to check, but the mirror wasn’t working.
After so many years..
A guy asks his girlfriend for a blowjob. She says “No, you won’t respect me enough to marry me and I love you.” After they’re… Read More »After so many years..
I got home from the pub about midnight Sunday.
I got home from the pub about midnight Sunday. The wife was sat in the armchair, crying her eyes out in the dark. I could… Read More »I got home from the pub about midnight Sunday.
Has there been any lesbian divorces yet…
Has there been any lesbian divorces yet… I’m interested to see how both women will get 80% of the assets
I’ve just put a shit load of John Lennon memorabilia on eBay.
I’ve just put a shit load of John Lennon memorabilia on eBay. Imagine all the PayPal.
if I don`t have a job I can get my…
A hot girlfriend is like a job It’s easier to get one once you already have one…
In response to Sweden and Finland joining NATO, Russia…
In response to Sweden and Finland joining NATO, Russia introduces embargoes on Absolut and Finland.
Fool me nice
My friend managed to fool me into volunteering in a cat shelter. He said there was a lot of pussies I could play with.
Honey, where are you running now?
Anal sex keeps my wife in shape. Every time I just mention it and she runs a mile from me
Tale without make-up
– Who are you? – Sleeping beauty! – Why are you so ugly? – I just woke up!
They told me I have to do sexual harassment training at work…
They told me I have to do sexual harassment training at work Which is ridiculous, I’m already very good at it.
A husband, wracked with guilt finally confesses to his…
A husband, wracked with guilt finally confesses to his wife……”dear, when I have sex with you, I often think of other women!” “You bastard!” she… Read More »A husband, wracked with guilt finally confesses to his…
A politician who had been dating a woman decides to investigate…
A politician who had been dating a woman decides to investigate her background before proposing. So he hires a private detective to snoop on her.… Read More »A politician who had been dating a woman decides to investigate…
don`t worry!
After a long night of frenzied, hot and passionate love making, a guy notices a photo of another man on the woman’s bedside table. He… Read More »don`t worry!
I was hoping after coronavirus…. … there would be no more…
I was hoping after coronavirus…. … there would be no more monkey business.
I’m so depressed that I knew.
If you don’t know the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist… congratulations, you’re doing great!
The best mexican joke is a juan-liner
How does every Mexican joke start? By looking over your shoulder.
Wedding joke
There is a cure for nymphomania, but it’s expensive. It can be cheap, but most people want a big ceremony, open bar at the reception,… Read More »Wedding joke
I’m still waiting…for the boze at least
When I was a kid, I was told that bad people would come up to me on the street and offer me drugs, booze, and… Read More »I’m still waiting…for the boze at least
They say that the average man ejaculates at 20mph.
They say that the average man ejaculates at 20mph. I’m clearly not average then… My new girlfriend has been with a lot of guys and… Read More »They say that the average man ejaculates at 20mph.
Her home
As my daughter was walking out the door to go on her first date, in my best grumpy old tough guy dad voice, I growled,… Read More »Her home
My wife and I have an open relationship.
My wife and I have an open relationship. Found out last night.
Took grandma to a Chinese restaurant yesterday.
Took grandma to a Chinese restaurant yesterday. She used her chopsticks to knit a sweater out of her noodles.