Me: “When I die, I want to die making love.” Wife: “At least it…
Me: “When I die, I want to die making love.” Wife: “At least it will be a very quick death.”
thefun
I’ve gotten a lot stronger the past year, it used to take me 3…
I’ve gotten a lot stronger the past year, it used to take me 3 trips to carry $100 worth of groceries, now I can do… Read More »I’ve gotten a lot stronger the past year, it used to take me 3…
A guy and a dog are sitting at the bar. the dog says ” you think…
A guy and a dog are sitting at the bar. the dog says ” you think YOUR wife is a Bitch ? “
The lady next to me on this roller-coaster is screaming at the…
The lady next to me on this roller-coaster is screaming at the top of her lungs! Damn, it’s like she’s never seen a penis before.
Keep trying
our Boss said ” we will continue having these meetings every day until I find out why no work is being done ! “
From my Boobliography
What do you call all the boobs you have ever seen in your life? Memmaries…
High four
How do you know if you bought good fireworks ? the owner of the store gives you a high four
I believe in love at first sight…
I believe in love at first sight… But science calls it an erection.
One of my books just had a four-star review!
One of my books just had a four-star review! The reviewer said “This book is ****”
Unexpectedly early
So the other day my wife unexpectedly came home early from work and asked me if I wanted to play Monopoly with her. I agreed… Read More »Unexpectedly early
not fair
Alcohol manufacturers are killing their best customers.
No Porn Hub, I don’t want to play online poker I’m at work
No Porn Hub, I don’t want to play online poker I’m at work
Motivation
Wish me luck. I’m doing the London Marathon again this year. Last year I managed only 3 hours and 20 mins… before I got bored… Read More »Motivation
Pull ups
I’ve done a hundred pull ups today….. This new belt is a crap!
I told my mother that Internet Explorer ended support recently.
I told my mother that Internet Explorer ended support recently. She said, “So does that mean nobody can use the internet now?”
We’ll never know
My wife and I were walking in Rome. The was a lone old guy at the other side of the street. My wife said, “He… Read More »We’ll never know
Excuse
My friend came pissed off at me, saying that it had not even been two days since he broke up and I already had sex… Read More »Excuse
All men think they are marrying nymphomaniacs.
All men think they are marrying nymphomaniacs. The problem is, after a few years, the nympho leaves and the maniac stays.
Money shots
What kind of porn do bankers watch? Trans action.
I was riding my motorbike yesterday, when I had to suddenly…
I was riding my motorbike yesterday, when I had to suddenly swerve to avoid hitting a kangaroo. I lost control and landed in a ditch,… Read More »I was riding my motorbike yesterday, when I had to suddenly…
How do you please a woman in bed?
How do you please a woman in bed? Let her sleep.
My wife and I were heading out for our date night.
My wife and I were heading out for our date night. The babysitter smiled and said, “you don’t need to rush home, take as long… Read More »My wife and I were heading out for our date night.
Last year I made 7 figures.
Last year I made 7 figures. This year I’m working on Snow White.
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the…
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer cooler. One nun said to the other, “Wouldn’t a nice cool… Read More »While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the…
Asked an old guy at the bar: “what’s the best beer here?” He…
Asked an old guy at the bar: “what’s the best beer here?” He said: “the third one”
U.S. officials recently shared intel gathered of the Kremlin…
U.S. officials recently shared intel gathered of the Kremlin They’ve warned Putin is willing to start World Special Military Operation I.
I never knew you drank until I saw you sober last night.
I never knew you drank until I saw you sober last night.
Used to be called a super deluxe wank.
A girl is talking to her guy friend: “I found condoms in my boyfriend’s jacket. We don’t use condoms and when I confronted him, he… Read More »Used to be called a super deluxe wank.