Excuse
My friend came pissed off at me, saying that it had not even been two days since he broke up and I already had sex… Read More »Excuse
thefun
All men think they are marrying nymphomaniacs.
All men think they are marrying nymphomaniacs. The problem is, after a few years, the nympho leaves and the maniac stays.
Money shots
What kind of porn do bankers watch? Trans action.
I was riding my motorbike yesterday, when I had to suddenly…
I was riding my motorbike yesterday, when I had to suddenly swerve to avoid hitting a kangaroo. I lost control and landed in a ditch,… Read More »I was riding my motorbike yesterday, when I had to suddenly…
How do you please a woman in bed?
How do you please a woman in bed? Let her sleep.
My wife and I were heading out for our date night.
My wife and I were heading out for our date night. The babysitter smiled and said, “you don’t need to rush home, take as long… Read More »My wife and I were heading out for our date night.
Last year I made 7 figures.
Last year I made 7 figures. This year I’m working on Snow White.
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the…
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer cooler. One nun said to the other, “Wouldn’t a nice cool… Read More »While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the…
Asked an old guy at the bar: “what’s the best beer here?” He…
Asked an old guy at the bar: “what’s the best beer here?” He said: “the third one”
U.S. officials recently shared intel gathered of the Kremlin…
U.S. officials recently shared intel gathered of the Kremlin They’ve warned Putin is willing to start World Special Military Operation I.
I never knew you drank until I saw you sober last night.
I never knew you drank until I saw you sober last night.
Used to be called a super deluxe wank.
A girl is talking to her guy friend: “I found condoms in my boyfriend’s jacket. We don’t use condoms and when I confronted him, he… Read More »Used to be called a super deluxe wank.
What do you call someone who identifies a disease by reading…
What do you call someone who identifies a disease by reading about symptoms on Google? Google Doc
How do know you are ugly?
How do know you are ugly? Your dog keeps its eyes closed whilst humping your leg
every morning
So one blood cell says “Good morning” Other blood cell says “Hey, wanna go to the dick?”
I was searching Google Images for Rorschach tests.
I was searching Google Images for Rorschach tests. But all I found were pictures of my parents fighting.
Same thing at the cemetery
I love living near a university. The women never get older.
Wankers of the world, unite!
What do you call two communists who masturbate together? Cum-rades!
Went to a Bush Lovers convention and found out that they were…
went to a Bush Lovers convention and found out that they were talking about the band
OK, Google?
Google Maps should really think about adding a “Closest place to have a piss” option.
What is a socialist’s favourite hotel?
What is a socialist’s favourite hotel? Sheraton (Share a ton)
won`t be able
A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw an elderly man walking past. She hasn’t had a customer in a while, so… Read More »won`t be able
good news
Putin went to see his most trusted advisor, who happened to be his personal physician. The doctor said, “I have good news and bad news.… Read More »good news
Sit in the corner and lick your eyebrows
How to make lesbians like you? Don’t be a dick.
Too high
An elderly man went in to see his doctor. The doctor asked “What brings you in today?” The elderly man responds “My sex life is… Read More »Too high
One thing my dad told me, he said, “Son, never explain yourself…
One thing my dad told me, he said, “Son, never explain yourself to anyone.” He never did tell me why.
Only 5 reasons
Women get mad for 5 reasons: 1.) For everything. 2.) For nothing. 3.) Because yes. 4.) Because no. 5.) Just in case.
My wife and I started role playing in the bedroom.
My wife and I started role playing in the bedroom. Her favourite is, “Sexy Librarian”, where I have to sit quietly while she reads a… Read More »My wife and I started role playing in the bedroom.
Want to sexually frustrate an IT worker?
Want to sexually frustrate an IT worker? Have you tried turning them off, then on again?