THAT’S what you guys call missionary?
Weird. Missionary’s what I call it when I don’t let him come inside.
thefun
Only two beers
Two friends, dead drunk, are on their way home, one says to the other, go up to my house for the last drink… They enter… Read More »Only two beers
No red ink
Two brothers want to find out if Soviet Russia is really like the propaganda they hear in the West. They decide that the older brother… Read More »No red ink
Intelligence
Stephen Colbert: “Are you afraid of artificial intelligence taking over?” Ricky Gervais: “I’d love for any intelligence to take over.”
Someone asked me if I could have dinner with any world leader,…
Someone asked me if I could have dinner with any world leader, living or dead, who would it be? I said, “Vladimir Putin… dead.”
Lists
My wife thought it would be fun if we each have a list of 3 people that would be OK to sleep with if given… Read More »Lists
Good idea
My girlfriend said, “You act like a detective too much. I want to split up.” “Good idea,” I replied. “We can cover more ground that… Read More »Good idea
What’s the opposite of an Aphrodisiac?
What’s the opposite of an Aphrodisiac? Wedding cake
Painful
Pulled out a couple of nose hairs to see if it hurts. Judging by the reaction of the man asleep next to me on the… Read More »Painful
kill all the jokes
Three Russian generals walk into a bar. No wait, two Russian generals walk into a bar. ….one? Zero? Ukrainian bartender: “Fucking snipers, they kill all… Read More »kill all the jokes
cheap flights
The girlfriend asked me what I was doing on the computer. I said “looking for cheap flights.”She got very excited and said “I love you,”… Read More »cheap flights
tulips
my girlfriend says her pussy’s like a rose But I think it looks more like tulips
“Have you ever taken it in the other hole?” “No way, that would…
“Have you ever taken it in the other hole?” “No way, that would get me pregnant!”
My wife and I split up because of Psychological reasons….
My wife and I split up because of Psychological reasons…. She was Psycho, and I was Logical
How do you call the mouth of a smoker?
How do you call the mouth of a smoker? the exhaust pipe
I broke up with a girl once because she was having hallucinations.
I broke up with a girl once because she was having hallucinations. She said “Carl, I.. can’t see you anymore”… That was weird. I was… Read More »I broke up with a girl once because she was having hallucinations.
Grey hair is hereditary.
Grey hair is hereditary. You get it from your children.
ratings
Movie ratings are an indication of who gets the girl Rated G – the prince gets the girl. Rated PG – the hero gets the… Read More »ratings
You shouldn’t take my class on reverse psychology
you shouldn’t take my class on reverse psychology
Tired of losing money in the stock market?
Tired of losing money in the stock market? Come visit our online casino.
Do you remember
Do you remember before the internet, people thought that the lack of information was the cause of stupidity? Yeah, well that definitely wasn’t the cause.
They say the sea is salty from the tears of sailors.
They say the sea is salty from the tears of sailors. After being on a ship for months with only men, I can assure you… Read More »They say the sea is salty from the tears of sailors.
Tits – natural anti-stress balls!
Tits – natural anti-stress balls! The irony is that they come attached to the most effective thing to create stress!
I have a foot fetish…
I have a foot fetish… I have tried using meters but it just doesn’t work for me.
Ladies…No guy has ever said…
Ladies…No guy has ever said… I’d screw her, if her eyelashes were a little longer.
What Ricky Gervais said after taking some digs at fat people at…
What Ricky Gervais said after taking some digs at fat people at a show “I don’t want fat people to feel uncomfortable at my gigs.… Read More »What Ricky Gervais said after taking some digs at fat people at…
adaptability
I came for an interview … And fell asleep on the couch. I say: “See how quickly I adapt to a new place.”
I lost my job as a wine taster.
I lost my job as a wine taster. I was fired for not drinking on the job.
People who don’t eat cheese because they are lactose intolerant……
People who don’t eat cheese because they are lactose intolerant… …need to learn to be more accepting of different cultures
I attended a meet called “How Stop Taking Things Literally”….
I attended a meet called “How Stop Taking Things Literally”. “What brings you here?” asked the host on my first day. I said, “My legs.”