I knew his name was Levi
But I didn’t expect him to actually do it
thefun
The first thing I do after waking up every morning is make my bed.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of shit to IKEA.
I like my women like I like my coffee…
purchased at above-market rates from eco-friendly organic farming cooperatives in Latin America.
Yesterday i bought a pair of shoes from my drugdealer
But he must have laced them weirdlyI was tripping all day
All women are bi
It’s your job to guess whether it’s sexual or polar.
I would tell you how awkwardly my first experience with anal sex went.
But I don’t want to be the butt of the joke.
A cannibal on the deathbed was guaranteed a last meal of his choosing
After te execution the jail Director reported: ‘His last meal was so demanding, we had to cut staff.’
Why did the diabetic kid die after his mother sent him to bed?
She wished him sweet dreams.
Who is the king of christmas music?
Elfis Presently
I admit it. I’m an unemployed leather worker.
I’ve got nothing to hide.
My friend saw a girl..
Who happened to be a kid but he said no problem after 12 is lunch
Is the Model 3 LR worth an extra 10k for insecure drivers in snow?
So, range wise, SR+ should be enough. But paying an extra 10k is not not nothing. Is 10k more worth it, provided I put on… Read More »Is the Model 3 LR worth an extra 10k for insecure drivers in snow?
What’s the similarity bettween a wife and a handgrenate?
If you pull the ring off them,they take half the house
Regarding the new Witcher series
I have a plethora of jokes concerning Yennefer, but they’re all tongue in cheek.
Since all Digital Assistants use a female voice, there should be an option for an older experience male voice.
I was thinking that since all Digital Assistants use a female voice, there should be an option for an older experience male voice to explain… Read More »Since all Digital Assistants use a female voice, there should be an option for an older experience male voice.
people always tell me how rude they think it is when people play loud music in public so I was really surprised when people got mad at me for putting a stop to it.
They always tell things like, “Get off the stage!” and “I paid good money for these tickets!”
What’s the worst part about having two dads?
The threesomes.
Poor Mr. Vinegar, he can’t catch a break.
Every time he turns around, he’s in a pickle!
I don’t understand why everyone is getting so excited about Trump’s impeachment
It’s not like it’s unpresidented
my furniture is just like my mental state:
highly unstable and capable of breaking down instantly
Ministers are like Greek gods.
When a country can’t explain something, they create a new one.
It’s not fa la la la la, la la la la.
It’s la la la la sol, fa mi re do.
Are you a transformer
Because you are Optimus fine
What do you call a med student with a D?
Lieutenant*miltary people will get this one. It was told to me while I was in the Navy. Just popped into my head.
Pokemon Related joke
What do you call an office type regi?Registration
What do Donald Duck and Donald Trump have in common?
They’re both named Donald!
Old man
An 80 year old man gets a letter from the IRS saying to call their office as soon as possible. The old man picked up… Read More »Old man
I have loads of pick up lines about unemployed people…
Unfortunately, none of them work
Pavlov walks into a bar when the bell rings
He stares, “oh shit, I forgot to feed my dogs”