Regress
2021: The Russian army is the second strongest army in the world.2022: The Russian army is the second strongest army in Ukraine.2023: The Russian army… Read More »Regress
thefun
Boss: “I can clearly smell alcohol on somebody’s breath!” – One…
Boss: “I can clearly smell alcohol on somebody’s breath!” – One of the staff: “Um, boss, this is a Zoom meeting.”
Me – This escape room sucks Nurse – Sir, this is a psych ward
Me – This escape room sucks 😒Nurse – Sir, this is a psych ward
I’m gonna divorce my husband after he spent all our life savings…
I’m gonna divorce my husband after he spent all our life savings getting a penis enlargement…I just can’t take it any longer
How soon after waking up is it OK to take a nap…
How soon after waking up is it OK to take a nap… Asking for myself.
L want my children to have all the things in the world l could…
l want my children to have all the things in the world l could never afford. Then I’m going to move in with them.
Filtered Fail: Instagram’s Fallstart at Tweeting
Instagram announced they’re launching a competitor to Twitter. However, they hit a snag: Instagram users couldn’t figure out how to add filters to their tweets.
– Excuse me sir, we have a dress code here. – I work in IT -…
– Excuse me sir, we have a dress code here. – I work in IT – carry on
neither have I
Have you ever experienced that morning surge of inner energy, a charge of invigoration for the day, and an uncontainable desire to create? No? Neither… Read More »neither have I
I was at an important job interview today.. “Are you on…
I was at an important job interview today..“Are you on facebook?” I was asked.“Sorry, no. I’m not.” I replied.“Twitter?”“Nope.”“Instagram?”“Nah.”“Look, just put your fucking phone away,… Read More »I was at an important job interview today.. “Are you on…
I have no idea why this cop is so pissed off!
I have no idea why this cop is so pissed off! I yelled “just kidding” and IMMEDIATLY gave him his gun back!
You know, the band “Fine Young Cannibals” originally had 8 members.
You know, the band “Fine Young Cannibals” originally had 8 members.
Snooker rules applied to sex If Red is blocking Pink, go for the…
Snooker rules applied to sex If Red is blocking Pink, go for the Brown.
Last night I was offered a threesome by two hot twins Sex with…
Last night I was offered a threesome by two hot twins Sex with Jessica felt great, but Jeremy was a pain in the ass.
When someone says, “It’s better than sex” they haven’t been…
When someone says, “It’s better than sex” they haven’t been having the right kind of sex.
Not a Damn Thing
So a Police Officer pulls over a little old lady in a car going a bit too slow…Police officer asks the usual, “…know why I… Read More »Not a Damn Thing
“Do you have any idea the long term damage that alcohol is doing…
“Do you have any idea the long term damage that alcohol is doing to your liver?” the Doctor asked.“Fuck off Doc,” I replied, “You always… Read More »“Do you have any idea the long term damage that alcohol is doing…
discount
Announcement on the clinic website: Breast enlargement. Penis enlargement. Discount available for ordering both.
when you miss the ads
– Dear, turn off the TV. It distracts me when we make love, and I can’t finish! – I can’t, honey, we’re in the cinema.
My wife said I’m a useless, lazy slob & she deserves better..
My wife said I’m a useless, lazy slob & she deserves better.. I said, “You woke me up at 3 O’clock in the fucking afternoon… Read More »My wife said I’m a useless, lazy slob & she deserves better..
I’ve started dating Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother.
I’ve started dating Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother. She’s an animal in bed.
I’m in big trouble with my wife.
I’m in big trouble with my wife. Lying in bed, she asked ” What I’d like to do most with her body?” Apparently, “Identify it”,… Read More »I’m in big trouble with my wife.
Recipe said to “Chill in the fridge for two hours”…
Recipe said to “Chill in the fridge for two hours”… I nearly died.
My doctor said that I have to exercise more and eat healthier…
My doctor said that I have to exercise more and eat healthier foods, this is going to be a huge change for me… Finding a… Read More »My doctor said that I have to exercise more and eat healthier…
If I was in marketing I’d advise a company that makes pregnancy…
If I was in marketing I’d advise a company that makes pregnancy tests to call them Maybe Baby.
cardmagic1002
Sometimes I’ll be sitting on the couch doing nothing, and I’ll think to myself, “Man, I’m really getting good at this.”
My asshole of a boss just yelled at me in front of everyone for…
My asshole of a boss just yelled at me in front of everyone for eating chips at work. “John, you’re a fucking croupier!”
20-years together and the Missus still gets upset if I use her…
20-years together and the Missus still gets upset if I use her toothbrush…. So, if anyone knows another way to get dog shit off my… Read More »20-years together and the Missus still gets upset if I use her…
We all know that hygiene is important But I laundered all my…
We all know that hygiene is important But I laundered all my money and now I am being arrested.
The fun part about your 50’s is waking up thinking you’re…
The fun part about your 50’s is waking up thinking you’re hungover but then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now…