Last night I was offered a threesome by two hot twins Sex with…
Last night I was offered a threesome by two hot twins Sex with Jessica felt great, but Jeremy was a pain in the ass.
thefun
When someone says, “It’s better than sex” they haven’t been…
When someone says, “It’s better than sex” they haven’t been having the right kind of sex.
Not a Damn Thing
So a Police Officer pulls over a little old lady in a car going a bit too slow…Police officer asks the usual, “…know why I… Read More »Not a Damn Thing
“Do you have any idea the long term damage that alcohol is doing…
“Do you have any idea the long term damage that alcohol is doing to your liver?” the Doctor asked.“Fuck off Doc,” I replied, “You always… Read More »“Do you have any idea the long term damage that alcohol is doing…
discount
Announcement on the clinic website: Breast enlargement. Penis enlargement. Discount available for ordering both.
when you miss the ads
– Dear, turn off the TV. It distracts me when we make love, and I can’t finish! – I can’t, honey, we’re in the cinema.
My wife said I’m a useless, lazy slob & she deserves better..
My wife said I’m a useless, lazy slob & she deserves better.. I said, “You woke me up at 3 O’clock in the fucking afternoon… Read More »My wife said I’m a useless, lazy slob & she deserves better..
I’ve started dating Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother.
I’ve started dating Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother. She’s an animal in bed.
I’m in big trouble with my wife.
I’m in big trouble with my wife. Lying in bed, she asked ” What I’d like to do most with her body?” Apparently, “Identify it”,… Read More »I’m in big trouble with my wife.
Recipe said to “Chill in the fridge for two hours”…
Recipe said to “Chill in the fridge for two hours”… I nearly died.
My doctor said that I have to exercise more and eat healthier…
My doctor said that I have to exercise more and eat healthier foods, this is going to be a huge change for me… Finding a… Read More »My doctor said that I have to exercise more and eat healthier…
If I was in marketing I’d advise a company that makes pregnancy…
If I was in marketing I’d advise a company that makes pregnancy tests to call them Maybe Baby.
cardmagic1002
Sometimes I’ll be sitting on the couch doing nothing, and I’ll think to myself, “Man, I’m really getting good at this.”
My asshole of a boss just yelled at me in front of everyone for…
My asshole of a boss just yelled at me in front of everyone for eating chips at work. “John, you’re a fucking croupier!”
20-years together and the Missus still gets upset if I use her…
20-years together and the Missus still gets upset if I use her toothbrush…. So, if anyone knows another way to get dog shit off my… Read More »20-years together and the Missus still gets upset if I use her…
We all know that hygiene is important But I laundered all my…
We all know that hygiene is important But I laundered all my money and now I am being arrested.
The fun part about your 50’s is waking up thinking you’re…
The fun part about your 50’s is waking up thinking you’re hungover but then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now…
Big thanks
I’d like to see the guy who invented beer and ask him what’s he working on now.
Life insurance in a nutshell…
Life insurance in a nutshell… The insurance agent is betting that you live, you’re betting that you die… and you hope that he wins.
Me: “When we were little, my brothers and I used to play Russian…
Me: “When we were little, my brothers and I used to play Russian roulette.” Friend: “You don’t have any brothers.” Me: “Right.”
still to come
A smart home is when it connects to the neighbour’s Wi-Fi at night and secretly mines cryptocurrency to pay for its own mortgage.
first test
Agents of special services who were caught in infidelity by their wives are discharged from work due to unsuitability.
I’m going through a lot right now.
I’m going through a lot right now. Mostly because my car brakes stopped working.
Every time someone over 40 complains about my generation, I wish…
Every time someone over 40 complains about my generation, I wish I could earn a dollar. That way, I could buy a house in the… Read More »Every time someone over 40 complains about my generation, I wish…
Checking election results is like checking a group project grade.
Checking election results is like checking a group project grade. I did my best, but I can’t help but worry about the rest of the… Read More »Checking election results is like checking a group project grade.
moment
A young boy approaches God and asks, “Is it true that a billion years is just a second to you?” God answers, “Yes.” The boy… Read More »moment
We’re here with the first man Adam. ” tell us Adam, what do you…
we’re here with the first man Adam. ” tell us Adam, what do you do for fun?” ” I like to play volleyball with Eve… Read More »We’re here with the first man Adam. ” tell us Adam, what do you…
Due to Inflation, the Five Second Rule has been extended to Ten…
Due to Inflation, the Five Second Rule has been extended to Ten Seconds.
With a sexy smile, she said to me “Kiss me where the sun don’t…
With a sexy smile, she said to me “Kiss me where the sun don’t shine.” …so I booked us two tickets for a December holiday… Read More »With a sexy smile, she said to me “Kiss me where the sun don’t…
If Satan was a teacher, which subject would he teach?
If Satan was a teacher, which subject would he teach? Trigonometry. There’s a lot of sin involved.