Big thanks
I’d like to see the guy who invented beer and ask him what’s he working on now.
thefun
Life insurance in a nutshell…
Life insurance in a nutshell… The insurance agent is betting that you live, you’re betting that you die… and you hope that he wins.
Me: “When we were little, my brothers and I used to play Russian…
Me: “When we were little, my brothers and I used to play Russian roulette.” Friend: “You don’t have any brothers.” Me: “Right.”
still to come
A smart home is when it connects to the neighbour’s Wi-Fi at night and secretly mines cryptocurrency to pay for its own mortgage.
first test
Agents of special services who were caught in infidelity by their wives are discharged from work due to unsuitability.
I’m going through a lot right now.
I’m going through a lot right now. Mostly because my car brakes stopped working.
Every time someone over 40 complains about my generation, I wish…
Every time someone over 40 complains about my generation, I wish I could earn a dollar. That way, I could buy a house in the… Read More »Every time someone over 40 complains about my generation, I wish…
Checking election results is like checking a group project grade.
Checking election results is like checking a group project grade. I did my best, but I can’t help but worry about the rest of the… Read More »Checking election results is like checking a group project grade.
moment
A young boy approaches God and asks, “Is it true that a billion years is just a second to you?” God answers, “Yes.” The boy… Read More »moment
We’re here with the first man Adam. ” tell us Adam, what do you…
we’re here with the first man Adam. ” tell us Adam, what do you do for fun?” ” I like to play volleyball with Eve… Read More »We’re here with the first man Adam. ” tell us Adam, what do you…
Due to Inflation, the Five Second Rule has been extended to Ten…
Due to Inflation, the Five Second Rule has been extended to Ten Seconds.
With a sexy smile, she said to me “Kiss me where the sun don’t…
With a sexy smile, she said to me “Kiss me where the sun don’t shine.” …so I booked us two tickets for a December holiday… Read More »With a sexy smile, she said to me “Kiss me where the sun don’t…
If Satan was a teacher, which subject would he teach?
If Satan was a teacher, which subject would he teach? Trigonometry. There’s a lot of sin involved.
Welcome to the handsome club
If no woman gives me sex soon I will take matters into my own hands!
Ignore the ‘Best Before date’ on baked beans…
Ignore the ‘Best Before date’ on baked beans… They are pretty much the worst thing you can eat before going on a date…
I visited my old friend in Newcastle over the weekend and asked…
I visited my old friend in Newcastle over the weekend and asked him if I could use his WiFi. “Sure,” he said, “she’s upstairs and… Read More »I visited my old friend in Newcastle over the weekend and asked…
Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.
Not to brag, but I have sychic powers. For example, now you’re thinking—-it’s spelled psychic, moron.
Why is Russia planning to have Vladimir Putin buried 100 feet deep?
Why is Russia planning to have Vladimir Putin buried 100 feet deep? Because they all know that deep down he is a very good leader.
Today I lost my book, Organizational Skills for Dummies……again.
Today I lost my book, Organizational Skills for Dummies……again.
Whoever called them Kegels….
Whoever called them Kegels…. And not puss-ups really missed out
Be aware!!!!
Be aware!!!! It is quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t even been made yet.
People are bragging about now being able to 3D print a gun, I…
People are bragging about now being able to 3D print a gun, I don’t see what the big deal is, I’ve had a cannon printer… Read More »People are bragging about now being able to 3D print a gun, I…
Plastic surgery finally gives people the opportunity to…
Plastic surgery finally gives people the opportunity to represent externally how they feel on the inside … fake.
Today, the girl next door gave me her number and said I could…
Today, the girl next door gave me her number and said I could call her any time. I looked at her and said: “Well, that’s… Read More »Today, the girl next door gave me her number and said I could…
Winning the lottery can sometimes be wife changing.
Winning the lottery can sometimes be wife changing.
I searched the internet for a Rorschach test but all I found…
I searched the internet for a Rorschach test but all I found were a bunch of drawings of my parents having sex
I told my therapist that I feel like I’m living in a sitcom.
I told my therapist that I feel like I’m living in a sitcom. And then about 30 people laughed.
I asked a time traveller when will I get a girlfriend.
I asked a time traveller when will I get a girlfriend. He said he can’t travel that far in future.
There is a short time, later on in every woman’s life, when she…
There is a short time, later on in every woman’s life, when she ignores the opposite gender for a while It’s called men-on-pause
Just spent 30 minutes on the treadmill.
Just spent 30 minutes on the treadmill. Tomorrow I’m going to turn it on.