Welcome to the handsome club
If no woman gives me sex soon I will take matters into my own hands!
thefun
Ignore the ‘Best Before date’ on baked beans…
Ignore the ‘Best Before date’ on baked beans… They are pretty much the worst thing you can eat before going on a date…
I visited my old friend in Newcastle over the weekend and asked…
I visited my old friend in Newcastle over the weekend and asked him if I could use his WiFi. “Sure,” he said, “she’s upstairs and… Read More »I visited my old friend in Newcastle over the weekend and asked…
Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.
Not to brag, but I have sychic powers. For example, now you’re thinking—-it’s spelled psychic, moron.
Why is Russia planning to have Vladimir Putin buried 100 feet deep?
Why is Russia planning to have Vladimir Putin buried 100 feet deep? Because they all know that deep down he is a very good leader.
Today I lost my book, Organizational Skills for Dummies……again.
Today I lost my book, Organizational Skills for Dummies……again.
Whoever called them Kegels….
Whoever called them Kegels…. And not puss-ups really missed out
Be aware!!!!
Be aware!!!! It is quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t even been made yet.
People are bragging about now being able to 3D print a gun, I…
People are bragging about now being able to 3D print a gun, I don’t see what the big deal is, I’ve had a cannon printer… Read More »People are bragging about now being able to 3D print a gun, I…
Plastic surgery finally gives people the opportunity to…
Plastic surgery finally gives people the opportunity to represent externally how they feel on the inside … fake.
Today, the girl next door gave me her number and said I could…
Today, the girl next door gave me her number and said I could call her any time. I looked at her and said: “Well, that’s… Read More »Today, the girl next door gave me her number and said I could…
Winning the lottery can sometimes be wife changing.
Winning the lottery can sometimes be wife changing.
I searched the internet for a Rorschach test but all I found…
I searched the internet for a Rorschach test but all I found were a bunch of drawings of my parents having sex
I told my therapist that I feel like I’m living in a sitcom.
I told my therapist that I feel like I’m living in a sitcom. And then about 30 people laughed.
I asked a time traveller when will I get a girlfriend.
I asked a time traveller when will I get a girlfriend. He said he can’t travel that far in future.
There is a short time, later on in every woman’s life, when she…
There is a short time, later on in every woman’s life, when she ignores the opposite gender for a while It’s called men-on-pause
Just spent 30 minutes on the treadmill.
Just spent 30 minutes on the treadmill. Tomorrow I’m going to turn it on.
– “Babe are you mad?” – “Yes!
– “Babe are you mad?” – “Yes! I’m going to explain to you why so you can solve it and this won’t repeat itself!” –… Read More »– “Babe are you mad?” – “Yes!
Wife – “You said you weren’t going to drink more!” Me – “I’m not.
Wife – “You said you weren’t going to drink more!” Me – “I’m not. I’m going to drink the same like before.”
All my life, I never imagined I’d wake up at 6am and go…
All my life, I never imagined I’d wake up at 6am and go jogging….. …..And I was right.
I love watching Women’s Heavyweight Boxing…
I love watching Women’s Heavyweight Boxing… It’s hilarious to see them fight back the tears when the announcer tells everyone their weight.
The older I get, the more I understand why Noah only allowed…
The older I get, the more I understand why Noah only allowed animals on his boat.
My new year’s resolution for 2023 Is to accomplish the goals of…
My new year’s resolution for 2023 Is to accomplish the goals of 2022 which I should have done in 2021 because I promised them in… Read More »My new year’s resolution for 2023 Is to accomplish the goals of…
HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE I know im early but i suffer from…
HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE I know im early but i suffer from premature congratulation.
I went out for a few beers with my mates at lunchtime on…
I went out for a few beers with my mates at lunchtime on Christmas Eve and didn’t get back until this afternoon… When I arrived… Read More »I went out for a few beers with my mates at lunchtime on…
I bought a Russian advent calendar.
I bought a Russian advent calendar. Every time you open a window an oligarch falls out.
When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, it took my breath away?
When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, it took my breath away? I’ve never run so fast.
I still remember the day my mum and dad told me that Santa…
I still remember the day my mum and dad told me that Santa wasn’t real. I was heart broken… I jumped in my car and… Read More »I still remember the day my mum and dad told me that Santa…
“Well, thank god that’s all over and out of the way for another…
“Well, thank god that’s all over and out of the way for another year”!…. Said the wife as I rolled off the top of her… Read More »“Well, thank god that’s all over and out of the way for another…
What’s the difference between your cat and your wife?
What’s the difference between your cat and your wife? One doesn’t care whether you live or die and refuses to eat anything you make, and… Read More »What’s the difference between your cat and your wife?