Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He’s a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock…
Who’s there?Cows go.Cows go who?No idiot… Cows go moo!
thefun
Last night i used Vaseline with my wife and came 10 times
Once with her and 9 in the shower trying to wash it off
I gave my daughter a watch for Christmas. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, “That’s a pretty watch you’ve got there! Does it tell you the time?”
She laughed and said, “No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!”
Why don’t Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they make the toys.
The year is 1835…
The year is 1835, you’re traversing the Oregon Trail. You and your horse come upon a man, you introduce yourself, and he tells you his… Read More »The year is 1835…
My sister won’t let me hold her baby anymore…
Last time I held my sister’s baby, I dropped it. It wasn’t even a big deal, but she started freaking out. It was an accident!… Read More »My sister won’t let me hold her baby anymore…
A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the husband said: “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!” His wife reminded him: “Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!”
A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the husband said: “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!”His wife reminded… Read More »A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the husband said: “Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!” His wife reminded him: “Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!”
You’ve never heard of the 10th Reindeer?
The first eight are Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen.The 9th is Rudolth the red nosed reindeer, and the 10th is the jerk… Read More »You’ve never heard of the 10th Reindeer?
A man wanders back home at 3:00 am.
His wife: You are late.You said you would be home by 11:45 pm.Man:(Casually) I said i would be home by a quarter of 12.
Teacher: “Class, today we are going to Bangladesh.”
Kid named Ladesh: wha…
Im giving up drinking for a year
Whoops, that came out wrongIm giving up, drinking for a year.
Knock knock
Who’s there?Mary.Mary who?Mary Christmas!Knock knock.Who’s there?Anna.Anna who?Anna happy new year!Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Reddit 🙂
Granma dances better than everyone. (Now with actual pixels.)
View CommentsPlay0:000:00SettingsFullscreen
A guy is on the bus and sees a beautiful nun.
Wanting to bang her, he walks up to her and says “wanna bang?” To which the nun replies “hell no” and proceeded to get off… Read More »A guy is on the bus and sees a beautiful nun.
What is this bug?
View CommentsPlay0:000:00SettingsFullscreen
The curse of breaking a beer bottle, mirror and a condom
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!Mirror: You kiddin’ me? You break me, then y’all get 7 years bad luck!Condom:… Read More »The curse of breaking a beer bottle, mirror and a condom
What do you call it when a cow pleasures himself?
Some say MOOsterbation, but I’ve always been partial to Beef Strokinoff.
If they call sex with three people a threesome and sex with four people a foursome…
then I see why they call you handsome!
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage…
when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.”The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in… Read More »A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage…
An old man is at home on his deathbed…
The doctors have given him only a couple of days to live and he no longer has even the strength to stand on his own.… Read More »An old man is at home on his deathbed…
What do you call a fungus infested youtuber
Lichensubscribe
Do you believe in change?
That shit makes cents
JOKESTER
Cum is just your dick vomiting from motion sickness.
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
No matter how kind your child is
German kids are always kinder.
I want to go to Vegas next year
But I can’t find any information about what happens there
Please stop asking for a perfect man for Christmas.
Three times this week Santa has tried to kidnap me.
Good news – the Sting impersonator that was taking money to play gigs and then ran off with the money…
… has turned himself into The Police.
A pirate joke
So two pirates are working on a pirate ship, one of them is an older pirate and one of them is a new pirate. So… Read More »A pirate joke