barter
I told my son about the birds and the bees today. He told me about Mom and the mailman
thefun
surprice
So I got a job at McDonald’s recently, and I spent the whole day giving out fake engagement rings with couples’ meals. Best Valentines Day… Read More »surprice
already
My doctor said that jogging could add years to my life. I didn’t believe him at first, but I went yesterday and I feel ten… Read More »already
on the phone
I heard your house was robbed last week. Are you okay? I heard the robber said you could give him your phone or a blowjob.… Read More »on the phone
difference
Im not saying you shouldnt trust the internet but there is a huge differance between the number of ipads I won and the number of… Read More »difference
do you want?
I just bought a 3D Printer, who wants one? I’ll print you one out.
matches
North Korea Decided Not To Firing Rockets… No One Couldn’t Find The Matches…
movie
A drunk guy was with his girlfriend in a cinema and suddenly, he fell asleep.After a while, he woke up and started screaming ‘MY PENIS,MY… Read More »movie
caller id
the caller I.D. says “unavailable” …then so am I
either
If money can’t make you happy, you won’t like poverty either.
she will tell you
“Dad…” “What?” “How do you know when you’ve met the right woman?” “They tell you, son.”
Him: What are you up to?
Him: What are you up to? Me: Looking at cakes. Him: What’s the occasion? Me: I love cake.
while I sleep
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
nobody
nce, there was this guy, who personally felt that he has committed lots of sin and therefore decided to visit a church and confess all… Read More »nobody
next generation
Im gonna laugh when the day comes when our generation is saying. “You spoiled little brats! All we had in our day was Xbox’s, PS3’s,… Read More »next generation
License For Sex
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him ‘Buddy’ or ‘Lassie’. I call mine ‘Sex’. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.… Read More »License For Sex
advise
Never get into an arm wrestling match with a guy who has been alone for 6 months
heaven
She calls it the silent treatment, I call it heaven on earth.
birds and the bees
My father taught me about the birds and the bees. Now I’m dating a blackbird that swallows.
prank
My father-in-law is hilarious. He recorded the lotto numbers from a news broadcast the night before on DVR then picked a ticket containing those numbers… Read More »prank
drunk guy
North Korea is like that angry drunk guy at a party. everyone is trying to calm him down but he’s convinced he needs to fight… Read More »drunk guy
lately
I said to my wife, “Have I told you lately that I love you?” She giggled and said, “No” I said, “Doesn’t that tell you… Read More »lately
attention
Oh look, North Korea wants attention again.
If Godzilla had a son, his name would be Jesuszilla.
If Godzilla had a son, his name would be Jesuszilla.
picture
I was going to buy some Viagra when the cashier asked what I needed it for…. Without saying anything I whipped out a picture of… Read More »picture
resolution
New Years Resolution: -Date more models. -(Revised) Date more girls. -(Re-revised) Date a girl. -(Re-re-revised) Talk to a girl. -(Re-re-re-revised) Find a girl. -(Re-re-re-re-revised) Cry… Read More »resolution
So, the officer stops me and asks for my license and registration.
So, the officer stops me and asks for my license and registration. After handing them to him, he asks who the car belongs to. I… Read More »So, the officer stops me and asks for my license and registration.
home alone
I’ve been on vacation all week, with the house to myself. I think my penis just filled a restraining order against my hand.
I just realized why they call it “The mall”.
I just realized why they call it “The mall”. Instead of going to one store just go to “them all” Them all =The Mall. Clever.