I wish I could delete my trouser history.
I wish I could delete my trouser history.
thefun
don`t wonder
if you are wondering what I look like without my shirt on. my average McDonald bill is $15.57.v
I was offered…
I’ve worked every day for the last 20 years, getting up at five in the morning, grafting until six at night, to struggle to pay… Read More »I was offered…
Putin
Russian President Vladimir Putin has been nominated for a Nobel prize in Medicine for his work on clinical depression. Apparently he can predict who will… Read More »Putin
better phone
As I sat down in the pub with my pint, I put my Nokia 3310 on the table in front of me. My mate immediately… Read More »better phone
reason
I like to hug my enemies. So I know how big to dig the hole to bury them in..
sense of humor
Friend: I see you still haven’t lost your sense of humor Me: I see you still haven’t found yours
chance
My wife said “Tell me you love me”. I replied, “Give me a fucking chance, I’m only on my 8th beer”.
honest
I asked my boyfriend if he would stay with me when I get fat and ugly. He said ” I’m already here…”
firefly
One firefly to another: “I really need to get some glasses, I nearly fucked a lit cigarette”.
quality
Nudist beaches are great The only problem is the quality control.
new game
I’d like to invent a new game. You compare boobs in size, shape, quality and performance. I call it battle of the boobs.
new law
How do we not have a law requiring the cashier to high five you when making a condom purchase?
sounds
Ever wonder if the sound effects in porn is actually just a recording of a fat girl eating a delicious hamburger?
lying
If anyone ever tells you they’ve lost their voice, They’re lying.
So do I
When Victoria Secrets commercials come on tv. So do I.
SCORE
I heard some girl having sex moans through my window. in my best mortal kombat voice i could. I yelled FINISH HER!!! I heard alot… Read More »SCORE
really good..
Either my boyfriend has early signs of Parkinson’s or I just gave him a really good blow-job.
i can explain
I lost my phone, so if you find it I can explain the pictures. I suspected my hamster had hypothermia so I needed to stick… Read More »i can explain
best friend
A friend will share their lunch. A good friend will buy you lunch. A best friend will eat your lunch
Some advice:
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut after.
start
I’m about to start my work, but first let me disamble my stapler and name and polish every part.
not in a mood
I had to laugh last night when my boyfriend said he wasn’t in the mood for sex. As if it’s an option.
wondering
Sometimes I stay awake wondering if there’s a number between 1 and 10 that thinks of me too.
dictionary
I’m going to purchase a dictionary, as after watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don’t understand the meaning of Final.
battery
My next door neighbors Smart car’s battery died… I had to give him a jumpstart from my iPod.
distraction
Cell phones are a distraction while driving. Says cops with radios, dash cams, laptops, cell phones, radars and donuts.
BBC news
“Welshman saves sheep by giving it the kiss of life” ….Thats the exact same thing I would have said to someone if I got caught… Read More »BBC news
guess
They call me Mr. Rhetorical. Can you guess why?
page six
I couldn’t buy perfume this week so I rubbed a magazine on my shirt. When people ask ” What’s that heavenly smell?” I say “Page… Read More »page six