birds and the bees
My father taught me about the birds and the bees. Now I’m dating a blackbird that swallows.
thefun
prank
My father-in-law is hilarious. He recorded the lotto numbers from a news broadcast the night before on DVR then picked a ticket containing those numbers… Read More »prank
drunk guy
North Korea is like that angry drunk guy at a party. everyone is trying to calm him down but he’s convinced he needs to fight… Read More »drunk guy
lately
I said to my wife, “Have I told you lately that I love you?” She giggled and said, “No” I said, “Doesn’t that tell you… Read More »lately
attention
Oh look, North Korea wants attention again.
If Godzilla had a son, his name would be Jesuszilla.
If Godzilla had a son, his name would be Jesuszilla.
picture
I was going to buy some Viagra when the cashier asked what I needed it for…. Without saying anything I whipped out a picture of… Read More »picture
resolution
New Years Resolution: -Date more models. -(Revised) Date more girls. -(Re-revised) Date a girl. -(Re-re-revised) Talk to a girl. -(Re-re-re-revised) Find a girl. -(Re-re-re-re-revised) Cry… Read More »resolution
So, the officer stops me and asks for my license and registration.
So, the officer stops me and asks for my license and registration. After handing them to him, he asks who the car belongs to. I… Read More »So, the officer stops me and asks for my license and registration.
home alone
I’ve been on vacation all week, with the house to myself. I think my penis just filled a restraining order against my hand.
I just realized why they call it “The mall”.
I just realized why they call it “The mall”. Instead of going to one store just go to “them all” Them all =The Mall. Clever.
side effects
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once… I’d like to read a prescription bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
respond
Life turns to death and asks “Why do people love me and hate you?” Death slowly responds “This is a joke site, stop posting meaningless… Read More »respond
trip to Ireland
I’m planning a trip to Ireland next month. I’m going to rent a car and tour the country. So I’ve been practicing driving on the… Read More »trip to Ireland
birds
Once upon a time, they were known as love birds. Then they found love and got married. Now, they’re angry birds!
I wish I could delete my trouser history.
I wish I could delete my trouser history.
don`t wonder
if you are wondering what I look like without my shirt on. my average McDonald bill is $15.57.v
I was offered…
I’ve worked every day for the last 20 years, getting up at five in the morning, grafting until six at night, to struggle to pay… Read More »I was offered…
Putin
Russian President Vladimir Putin has been nominated for a Nobel prize in Medicine for his work on clinical depression. Apparently he can predict who will… Read More »Putin
better phone
As I sat down in the pub with my pint, I put my Nokia 3310 on the table in front of me. My mate immediately… Read More »better phone
reason
I like to hug my enemies. So I know how big to dig the hole to bury them in..
sense of humor
Friend: I see you still haven’t lost your sense of humor Me: I see you still haven’t found yours
chance
My wife said “Tell me you love me”. I replied, “Give me a fucking chance, I’m only on my 8th beer”.
honest
I asked my boyfriend if he would stay with me when I get fat and ugly. He said ” I’m already here…”
firefly
One firefly to another: “I really need to get some glasses, I nearly fucked a lit cigarette”.
quality
Nudist beaches are great The only problem is the quality control.
new game
I’d like to invent a new game. You compare boobs in size, shape, quality and performance. I call it battle of the boobs.
new law
How do we not have a law requiring the cashier to high five you when making a condom purchase?
sounds
Ever wonder if the sound effects in porn is actually just a recording of a fat girl eating a delicious hamburger?